Recently I wrote about wondering how to deal with an exceptionally different relation you feel you are "stuck with". We received a phone call from the offensive party telling me to "get over it" and then demanding I come to her house! We weren't exactly eager so my spouse helped me to decide to go the next day. Regrettably, that turned out to be too soon. I had no interest in going there, much less staying. He insisted I stay and another argument ensued. I cannot recall ever being flat out furious before. It was a first, and a lot less helpful than I was hoping. I am relying heavily on my spouse these days.
A part of me is very much hoping that "just get over it" will prove to be tougher than someone else thought. I can say for sure that my husband has never seen me that furious either. I can only hope it tells him that I was not only uber stressed but definitely pushed. An evil part of me also hopes that someone else for only a split second, would be scared of me for once, since I grew up the other way around. I also confess I'm not proud of that. I'm chalking that up to just being human. It's not something I plan on revisiting to be sure. It's also another salient reminder of what I don't want with my daughter.
The following couple of days, phone calls were muted and a bit awkward. My guess is that the creature was finding out that "getting over it" is easier said than done sometimes. I would like to think that she might learn from this but I'm not holding my breath.
During this "Part 2 From Hell" the creature pointed out that its friends have their kids over all the time helping. This goes back to how I grew up. You can't expect a person to want chocolate cake right after throwing up. Our relationship is just not like that, period. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault, it just is. My amazing husband still wants to keep this creature in our lives.
My guts are telling me he is correct, despite her behavior. I want my daughter to still have a relationship with this person regardless of my feelings. He has told me that he did cut someone out for a while and later regretted it. I assume his regret was Catholic guilt related since I knew the person he cut out and I can personally attest it was well deserved. What I admire about my husband is his ability to forgive. My brain tells me it frees you but I still have trouble actually doing it. The biggest hurdle I think is knowing the offensive behavior won't change.
Eventually, we will all get past this. We had another visit recently when we were all calmer and I got the impression that things were moving in a more progressive direction. I don't like my daughter seeing Mommy completely lose it like that. There is only scant comfort in knowing that's a rare occurrence. She covers her ears when my husband and I argue, which is infrequent generally, and even more so in front of her.
There's not much to be proud of during these ugly episodes but I hope my girl understands that her Mommy is human and there are limits to how people should behave, family or not. What you don't need to limit is forgiveness.
Monday, February 24, 2020
Monday, February 10, 2020
The Great Clearance part 112
You know it's Spring when my garage gets cleaned out, figuratively and hopefully, literally. We are again planning for our yard sale. We are lucky to have a neighborhood organization that does this so my development gets to piggy back off of the crowd they draw. I will also announce our little endeavor on Facebook, for what that's worth. We invite friends to join us and bring whatever stuff they want to sell and we make a day of it. It's not as much fun as our wine soaked game nights but it does rank a close second. There is a stupid amount of breakfast food and people give us cash to take away our crap.
I usually hope for a lot of said cash but I enjoy having all the crap that needs to leave herded in one space. We make the majority of our sales by 11am but stay out until 1pm before we officially admit it's over. Our friends are also a helpful bunch and we occasionally "shop" from each other. I'm still waiting for our daughter to "catch on" to letting go of stuff. I've learned to make her aware of anything that may be upsetting if it's sold but I ask for a replacement for any rescues. We have reached the age where she tends to play mostly video games, much to my dismay. I really miss the days when toys were actually played with, sigh.
It took me a few years but I've also learned that it pays to start setting up early, like days ahead early. I hate killing myself at the last minute to put things out. There are two other downsides to yardsales, dealers and early birds. Frequently, they're one and the same! My friends and family know what a basket of sunshine I am in the morning although in recent years, I've been forced, in a sense, to become an early bird. I leave my own yard sale to run up the block and quickly check out the group sale going on at the front of our development. This stresses out my husband but I always make it quick.
Epilogue: It flew by like a wedding. I was idiot tired but managed to get up and we were free of earlybirds! I'm not sure if I should have taken this as a bad sign but it was a relief for me. We actually managed to get set up by 8am! I tagged as many things as I could so there wouldn't be a lot of questions from my husband as I made my way up the block to check out the other sales. I was underwhelmed and made it back in 30 minutes. We managed a barely respectable amount of sales but in our defense, we had the weather against us. It was cold and ridiculously windy. We had to chase our stuff around the yard and move things into the garage to keep them from blowing away.
I'm gathering up my donation for Purple Heart and stow the rest for what I keep swearing will be the last time. See you next sale.
I usually hope for a lot of said cash but I enjoy having all the crap that needs to leave herded in one space. We make the majority of our sales by 11am but stay out until 1pm before we officially admit it's over. Our friends are also a helpful bunch and we occasionally "shop" from each other. I'm still waiting for our daughter to "catch on" to letting go of stuff. I've learned to make her aware of anything that may be upsetting if it's sold but I ask for a replacement for any rescues. We have reached the age where she tends to play mostly video games, much to my dismay. I really miss the days when toys were actually played with, sigh.
It took me a few years but I've also learned that it pays to start setting up early, like days ahead early. I hate killing myself at the last minute to put things out. There are two other downsides to yardsales, dealers and early birds. Frequently, they're one and the same! My friends and family know what a basket of sunshine I am in the morning although in recent years, I've been forced, in a sense, to become an early bird. I leave my own yard sale to run up the block and quickly check out the group sale going on at the front of our development. This stresses out my husband but I always make it quick.
Epilogue: It flew by like a wedding. I was idiot tired but managed to get up and we were free of earlybirds! I'm not sure if I should have taken this as a bad sign but it was a relief for me. We actually managed to get set up by 8am! I tagged as many things as I could so there wouldn't be a lot of questions from my husband as I made my way up the block to check out the other sales. I was underwhelmed and made it back in 30 minutes. We managed a barely respectable amount of sales but in our defense, we had the weather against us. It was cold and ridiculously windy. We had to chase our stuff around the yard and move things into the garage to keep them from blowing away.
I'm gathering up my donation for Purple Heart and stow the rest for what I keep swearing will be the last time. See you next sale.
Shoulding on myself again
We, who are not in the mood for any of this, salute you. I don't understand why it seems to be so difficult for me to look for freelance writing jobs and/or looking for a summer job. I am almost done the application process to become a substitute teacher. Having a job to go to is not a cheap excuse for me to avoid looking for writing opportunities. I've got the house for that. If the fact that I'm getting older scares me, I remain baffled by my uncanny ability to waste time. It's probably more accurate to say that I am a master of diversionary tactics. The other things I do instead of write are all "useful", they're just not personally helpful.
As usual, there is no credit for small victories. I have managed to blog every weekday for over a year now. I finally saw the career coach I'd been talking about for months and entered a humor poetry contest. As usual, I'm also not so good at following the advice I paid for. The coach helpfully reminded me that this whole career change thing is process. The substitute teaching gig I'm working on is not the only thing in my life. There is no reason to let go of my love and interest in humor writing but I need to be realistic about my goals. Even published authors have told me "Don't quit your day job."
We, as a family, are still focused on getting something that will bring in money. I struggle with the idea of a dream deferred not necessarily meaning a dream abandoned. Even writing will not be a straight path in a sense that I will be writing what a client or boss needs first before I can write what I love and get paid. I'm reading about how a career change also frequently means a drop in income. Peachy, that's just what we need! The whole process can also take years, which will not start until I start it. At the rate I'm going I could be looking at a decade!
As usual, there is no credit for small victories. I have managed to blog every weekday for over a year now. I finally saw the career coach I'd been talking about for months and entered a humor poetry contest. As usual, I'm also not so good at following the advice I paid for. The coach helpfully reminded me that this whole career change thing is process. The substitute teaching gig I'm working on is not the only thing in my life. There is no reason to let go of my love and interest in humor writing but I need to be realistic about my goals. Even published authors have told me "Don't quit your day job."
We, as a family, are still focused on getting something that will bring in money. I struggle with the idea of a dream deferred not necessarily meaning a dream abandoned. Even writing will not be a straight path in a sense that I will be writing what a client or boss needs first before I can write what I love and get paid. I'm reading about how a career change also frequently means a drop in income. Peachy, that's just what we need! The whole process can also take years, which will not start until I start it. At the rate I'm going I could be looking at a decade!
Tuesday, January 28, 2020
Holy Hotflash, Batman!
The inevitable has finally happened. It snuck up on me somehow. I'm guessing my ego had something to do with that. It's January, a balmy 30 degrees outside, and suddenly I found myself sweating for no apparent reason. I was indoors and not doing much so I knew exertion wasn't the reason. Our household thermostat has been known to drop to "cheap bastard" when no one's paying attention, too. Was it finally time to admit I'm in THAT age bracket? "Nevah!!", me ego yells. We are not aging, Your Majesty is still young!" Then I see someone who actually IS young. Well THAT sucks.
Recently, I attended a painting outing with a couple of friends and someone took a group photo. While I can't say I saw my mom, it made me wonder if my eyes and my brain were occupying the same body! Jesus H. Christ I need some serious Momscaping! I had forgotten that I had worn frumpy clothes just in case I got paint on myself. Frumpmaster General accomplished the mission. It would have been a lot less depressing to take my chances on a decent outfit. My brain is under the delusion that I'm at least ten years younger than my driver's license says I am.
Am I just really a younger alien trapped in an old lady suit?! (See delusion, previous paragraph.)
I suppose I should be grateful this crap started in January as opposed to August but so far that's about the only upside I've been able to find. These flashes also don't seem to hit when I could actually use them, like when I'm outside waiting in line for something. I have also read that a side effects of this joyride through hormonal hell include mood swings and weight gain. I've already been exercising at fruitcake levels just to break even. If I'm going to end up eating too much perhaps I should consider pot, at least I will have had the fun of getting high.
I also thought I was quite moody enough. Did this really need to get worse?! I don't know if my husband will notice the difference yet. Since we live with a tween daughter and a mom of THAT age, I have to feel a bit sorry for him. There could be a money making opportunity here. I could open up a sanctuaty! I could see the commercial now.
Hello friends! Has your other half and/or offspring suddenly become as rational as Daffy Duck? Is divorce too expensive and no one wants custody of you anyway? Then you need our Spousal Haven In Troubled Times! You could lease your own small space to escape (controlled substances not included). Until they get theirs together, you're going to need ours! Trust us, this could take a while. [Anyone up for going into business with me? We could clean up!]
Recently, I attended a painting outing with a couple of friends and someone took a group photo. While I can't say I saw my mom, it made me wonder if my eyes and my brain were occupying the same body! Jesus H. Christ I need some serious Momscaping! I had forgotten that I had worn frumpy clothes just in case I got paint on myself. Frumpmaster General accomplished the mission. It would have been a lot less depressing to take my chances on a decent outfit. My brain is under the delusion that I'm at least ten years younger than my driver's license says I am.
Am I just really a younger alien trapped in an old lady suit?! (See delusion, previous paragraph.)
I suppose I should be grateful this crap started in January as opposed to August but so far that's about the only upside I've been able to find. These flashes also don't seem to hit when I could actually use them, like when I'm outside waiting in line for something. I have also read that a side effects of this joyride through hormonal hell include mood swings and weight gain. I've already been exercising at fruitcake levels just to break even. If I'm going to end up eating too much perhaps I should consider pot, at least I will have had the fun of getting high.
I also thought I was quite moody enough. Did this really need to get worse?! I don't know if my husband will notice the difference yet. Since we live with a tween daughter and a mom of THAT age, I have to feel a bit sorry for him. There could be a money making opportunity here. I could open up a sanctuaty! I could see the commercial now.
Hello friends! Has your other half and/or offspring suddenly become as rational as Daffy Duck? Is divorce too expensive and no one wants custody of you anyway? Then you need our Spousal Haven In Troubled Times! You could lease your own small space to escape (controlled substances not included). Until they get theirs together, you're going to need ours! Trust us, this could take a while. [Anyone up for going into business with me? We could clean up!]
Friday, January 17, 2020
Geometrically challenged
My brain, usually, enjoys helping our resident 5th grader with her math homework. My idiot tired body has to be dragged to our dining room table to do this, but masochistic as it sounds, I like helping my kid understand something. We, as parents, are also slowly trying to get her majesty to understand the concept that tests need to be studied for even when there's no direct homework involved. Mommy, however, was the one who needed help recently. In my defense, there were no polygons or prisms whatsoever on the CPA exam and there is not one quadrilateral refernce in the entire tax code (I'm pretty sure, at least.).
Recently one evening, I was helping our daughter review math concepts for a test. As we got further and further into the questions, I was the one who was getting schooled. She had to explain a couple of concepts to me which was both comforting and scary. I'm glad she gets it for her test but what happens if I get stuck trying to teach this crap?! I'm guessing that it's a good thing I didn't ask how a person would handle something like this at the job interview or I wouldn't have gotten the job. This trip down memory lane could easily turn into a face plant if I'm not careful.
I'm going to have to put on my teacher pants as it is just to make sure I stay in control of a class. Talk about getting out of your comfort zone! The vice principal I spoke to assured me there would be one day of training, which seemed a bit short. I was also promised that my first assignments would be in coteaching rooms and instructional aide spots. These guys must really need the help if they're willing to take me on. There is a part of me that can't help but feel that this is unfair, in a sense. There's a lot of administrative hoops to jump through to become a substitute teacher but that's all they are, administrative.
We, as a family, have skin in this game, so to speak, so I understand at a personal level, the importance of teaching. I don't want to talk myself out of a job but I was surprised that all it took was a bachelor's degree and some paperwork to become a substitute teacher. I have a lot of deference to the women (and men) who followed the "correct path" from the beginning and suffered through the exams and student teaching. It surprises me the district gives the title of substitute to a suburban "mommy off the street" with just one day of training. You need more training than that to prepare a tax return. I can't help but think there's more to it than babysitting 20 odd kids for a day.
So, am I smarter than a sixth grader? I'm about to find out.
Recently one evening, I was helping our daughter review math concepts for a test. As we got further and further into the questions, I was the one who was getting schooled. She had to explain a couple of concepts to me which was both comforting and scary. I'm glad she gets it for her test but what happens if I get stuck trying to teach this crap?! I'm guessing that it's a good thing I didn't ask how a person would handle something like this at the job interview or I wouldn't have gotten the job. This trip down memory lane could easily turn into a face plant if I'm not careful.
I'm going to have to put on my teacher pants as it is just to make sure I stay in control of a class. Talk about getting out of your comfort zone! The vice principal I spoke to assured me there would be one day of training, which seemed a bit short. I was also promised that my first assignments would be in coteaching rooms and instructional aide spots. These guys must really need the help if they're willing to take me on. There is a part of me that can't help but feel that this is unfair, in a sense. There's a lot of administrative hoops to jump through to become a substitute teacher but that's all they are, administrative.
We, as a family, have skin in this game, so to speak, so I understand at a personal level, the importance of teaching. I don't want to talk myself out of a job but I was surprised that all it took was a bachelor's degree and some paperwork to become a substitute teacher. I have a lot of deference to the women (and men) who followed the "correct path" from the beginning and suffered through the exams and student teaching. It surprises me the district gives the title of substitute to a suburban "mommy off the street" with just one day of training. You need more training than that to prepare a tax return. I can't help but think there's more to it than babysitting 20 odd kids for a day.
So, am I smarter than a sixth grader? I'm about to find out.
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
Here we go again
It's a new year. O freakin' goody. I hate it when the holidays are over. Cleaning up from any party is depressing enough but trying to ignore a whole upcoming winter while I'm at it makes things tougher. It felt really wierd stopping work in the sense that my rhythm got thrown off. Admittedly, I didn't have much of one to begin with because my "schedule" is erratic by definition. I am a part time substitute teacher, at least for this school year. New Year same mid life crisis. I may have mentioned that I recently completed a couple of grant writing courses at Camden County College. I was hoping that maybe that would lead to some other work in my local district but so far I've hit a lily white brick wall.
The floundering continues, dammit. I made the mistake of thinking I was getting somewhere. There were hints, which of course, weren't rude enough for me to notice. The first was from a great book I read called "The Encore Career Handbook". It's about people like me trying to figure out what the hell to do with themselves after the end of a career. It describes the second career thing as more of a process that could include several flops along the way. Well that sucks.
There was another hint from of all people, me. While I was taking the grant writing class from Camden County College, I did ask my professor about our neighborhood. We are lucky in that we aren't dodging bullets to get into our school but our district is underfunded. How do I fill out these applications to compete with inner cities? The advice I got was to focus on the good the award could do for the district. This sounded like good advice to me so I took that under advisement and moved on.
I've also noticed at least two other districts near me have received grants from the Department of Education. Since completing the classes I've let evryone with two brain cells to rub together know that I'm a C.P.A. and available to help write grants. I was flat out informed by my district that "We're not interested". I was even blocked from talking to the district business manager! I finally had to go around the business office altogether and spoke to the School Principal. She was at least kind enough to take time to speak to me honestly. Our district doesn't have much success with grants which explains the attitude I got.
This was disappointing and frustrating to say the least. It's not that I was expecting someone to magically poof me a job pr se but maybe I had a bit more emotionally invested in the possibilities. So now what? I wish I knew.
The floundering continues, dammit. I made the mistake of thinking I was getting somewhere. There were hints, which of course, weren't rude enough for me to notice. The first was from a great book I read called "The Encore Career Handbook". It's about people like me trying to figure out what the hell to do with themselves after the end of a career. It describes the second career thing as more of a process that could include several flops along the way. Well that sucks.
There was another hint from of all people, me. While I was taking the grant writing class from Camden County College, I did ask my professor about our neighborhood. We are lucky in that we aren't dodging bullets to get into our school but our district is underfunded. How do I fill out these applications to compete with inner cities? The advice I got was to focus on the good the award could do for the district. This sounded like good advice to me so I took that under advisement and moved on.
I've also noticed at least two other districts near me have received grants from the Department of Education. Since completing the classes I've let evryone with two brain cells to rub together know that I'm a C.P.A. and available to help write grants. I was flat out informed by my district that "We're not interested". I was even blocked from talking to the district business manager! I finally had to go around the business office altogether and spoke to the School Principal. She was at least kind enough to take time to speak to me honestly. Our district doesn't have much success with grants which explains the attitude I got.
This was disappointing and frustrating to say the least. It's not that I was expecting someone to magically poof me a job pr se but maybe I had a bit more emotionally invested in the possibilities. So now what? I wish I knew.
Friday, January 3, 2020
Thinking outside the box
Regrettably, as of this writing, we are at month nine of my spouse being unemployed. He is depressed, putting it mildly and I am having a tough time in patches, trying to help. It turns out, that I really don't need to help so much as listen. The problem is what I'm hearing. It's obvious that his mood is awful because he has an answer for every suggestion.
"That won't work." "They won't pay enough." "I'm not doing that." You get the idea. When he gets that way, I work on just letting him complain and then move on. I need to stop trying to be a guy and fix the problem! The negativity gets to be a bit much at times and my ego thinks I have great ideas. He does this with everyone, not just me. I know it's the depression/frustration talking. It shouldn't be a surprise by this point that stress levels are pretty high around around here. It appears to be contagious. I am approaching a new adventure while I'm still knee deep in his.
My own little adventure is a bit scary. I am trying to get myself used to the idea that I will be working myself soon. I am looking at this substitute teaching thing as a small step on a larger journey. I am also not completely letting go of my job hunt. I've learned the hard way, over the years, how important it is to have a plan "B". I am also planning to drag my "Negative Nancy" of a spouse to a job fair. If anything, I'm hoping it will give us both some fresh ideas on what to do and where to apply. I'm also a bit of a sucker for free chachkis.
I am also still learning about this whole substitute teaching thing and what happens during the summer. There's a theoretical chance that I could parlay my shred of experience gained into another teaching gig, but let's not bet the ranch. That's another reason for my interest in the upcoming job fair. Unfortunately, my mother is voicing her opinion on the whole thing. Captain Obvious never fails to disappoint. My husband should be pumping gas. We are both lazy. The money is eventually going to run out. It's great to have supportive family in times like these. If you have one, dear reader, please let me know what it's like.
Update: Funny to think my spouse has been working for 6 months now. I've been substitute teaching for about 5 myself. Life has also gotten in the way of my Plan B. There have been some adjustments and the subbing gig has been rewarding/disappointing (Good to feel useful/money sucks). More will be coming on that. Stay tuned.
"That won't work." "They won't pay enough." "I'm not doing that." You get the idea. When he gets that way, I work on just letting him complain and then move on. I need to stop trying to be a guy and fix the problem! The negativity gets to be a bit much at times and my ego thinks I have great ideas. He does this with everyone, not just me. I know it's the depression/frustration talking. It shouldn't be a surprise by this point that stress levels are pretty high around around here. It appears to be contagious. I am approaching a new adventure while I'm still knee deep in his.
My own little adventure is a bit scary. I am trying to get myself used to the idea that I will be working myself soon. I am looking at this substitute teaching thing as a small step on a larger journey. I am also not completely letting go of my job hunt. I've learned the hard way, over the years, how important it is to have a plan "B". I am also planning to drag my "Negative Nancy" of a spouse to a job fair. If anything, I'm hoping it will give us both some fresh ideas on what to do and where to apply. I'm also a bit of a sucker for free chachkis.
I am also still learning about this whole substitute teaching thing and what happens during the summer. There's a theoretical chance that I could parlay my shred of experience gained into another teaching gig, but let's not bet the ranch. That's another reason for my interest in the upcoming job fair. Unfortunately, my mother is voicing her opinion on the whole thing. Captain Obvious never fails to disappoint. My husband should be pumping gas. We are both lazy. The money is eventually going to run out. It's great to have supportive family in times like these. If you have one, dear reader, please let me know what it's like.
Update: Funny to think my spouse has been working for 6 months now. I've been substitute teaching for about 5 myself. Life has also gotten in the way of my Plan B. There have been some adjustments and the subbing gig has been rewarding/disappointing (Good to feel useful/money sucks). More will be coming on that. Stay tuned.
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