The loss

   I had a funeral recently. I'm not sure what it is about winter but if you know someone who may 'leave the building', there's a good chance they're going to do it around the holidays. Luckily, for lack of a better word, my friend got to spend one last Christmas with his family. We are at the age where a lot of our friends will be burying their parents. We are in the 'You're Next!' generation. This particular person was a well loved instructor at my dojang and I trained with his daughter and her kids, too.
   If it could be said there was such a thing as a "great funeral", this was definitely one of them. There were an unbelievable amount of pictures from his life, from baby pictures and newspaper clippings to military photos. I learned he was a paratrooper, a bronze star recipient, and a Vietnam veteran. Funny how someone I knew as being a cuddly loveable old guy was one badass in his youth. Very few people knew about this side of him, it turns out. It was a military funeral with a salute and a flag draped coffin. We were warned there would be gunfire but it still startled me.
   There was a well deserved police escort from the funeral home to the cemetary, too. This was another first for me. It was also packed and it wasn't just because he had a large family. I found myself jealous wondering if my funeral would come anywhere close. My life, to date, hasn't exactly been lived in the service of my community and country. Our family is also really small.
   He was an instructor at my karate school and a walking wealth of information. I wish more people would write books about their lives. The knowledge loss was almost as big as the personal. He was never one to complain, no matter how he felt and he was always willing to help people learn things. It stinks when you get used to seeing a person and you get "too comfortable". It was hard for me to go to class before but I always looked forward to seeing him. Now, it's almost impossible. I miss the elephant that's no longer in the room. The saving grace is that we are all in the same boat.
    We learned a lot of new things about someone we saw on a regular basis, but the biggest lesson we all learned was humility.

The End of an Era?

   It is mid January, as of this writing, and so far, I'm not impressed. There has been one small improvement for me so far. A good friend introduced me to her boss who agreed to give me some part time work during tax season. Technically, I should be happy about this. We've had nothing coming in money wise for the past seven months so how about a little gratitude? I will freely admit to some whining, after all, isn't that what blogging is for? My biggest whine is that God forbid I find something close to my house. The other whine is that I was told I may have to attend a lunch meeting at a nice local restaurant. Wait, what??!! This is a problem??!!
    It is, in a way, but mostly, it's my problem. The opportunity to resolve or get rid of old baggage is here. O Goody, I love facing down old crap that I can't fix by punching people! That whole violence thing feels good but not only doesn't solve anything, it gets expensive. Ok, my ancient problem began with my last part time job ending. There was a woman who thought she was my boss although this was never made clear to me. My real boss had the people skills of a shoe and refused to investigate when she began to badmouth me.
   The error here is mine in that I should  have taken steps to correct the issue when it happened, for whatever good it may have done me at the time. The other error, or more accurately, defect, is my hanging onto this pain/irritation/annoyance for years. I read somewhere once that anger is like fire, it hurts the one who holds it. Clearly, these people could care less about how they behaved, so why do I? My brain insists on hanging onto this baggage like an irrational pit bull. What am I getting out of it?
   Most importantly,  why should I be the one to feel awkward if I should see said backstabber from the past at this lunch meeting? I keep trying to tell myself that karma takes care of people like that but I have an enormous list of people that karma forgot. Middle fingers at a networking event are considered bad P.R. and I'm pretty sure my new boss doesn't deserve that. A friend suggested that while I will probably see that creature I should try to focus on possibly meeting a good person there. My spouse brought up an even crazier idea, what if I end up liking this job? Imagine me, dear reader, taking a turn for the positive, how crazy is that?
Prologue: In a shocking turn of events this job didn't work out. It's now the following Summer and I have become a substitute teacher. More rants to follow.