Saturday, October 22, 2016

Happy-ish Anniversary

   Recently, my spouse and I have hit the 14 year mark.  It’s hard to believe, of course. I don’t feel 48 and I’m lucky enough to be told I don’t look it, either. We’ve hit that Jesus-Christ-it’s-you-again point in our marriage. I’d like to say that we’re still as frisky as ever but mostly we just want a nap.  Our beautiful daughter is 8, funny, smart and full of energy. Did I mention mommy and daddy want a nap?  I’ve asked my spouse if he’s sorry we’ve only got one child.  “I’m in my 50’s, I’m exhausted!”  Our next child will have four legs and a tail.
  I get it that I’m lucky to be able to stay home and raise our daughter, it’s just that there are days when I want to run away from home. There are a few downsides if I do that. I’d have to make my own coffee for one. (We live by the biblical rule he-brews.) I’m also not sure who’d end up getting custody.  I don’t mean my daughter, I mean that currently, we are the party house and our friends would have to choose.  I don’t get any holidays.  Our family is small and my in laws are older and prefer to go to restaurants for holidays. I am way not fond of this.  Thanksgiving at a restaurant is not a holiday.  
  I’ve gotten so desperate I made up my own holiday. I call it Friendsgiving.  It gives me the chance to make a turkey for more than 3 people and it’s a cheap excuse to get everyone together to drink too much and bulls**t all evening. I also get to use my free-for-$400 turkey we get every year and we get turkey leftovers.  We’ve also been doing this for a while now so my guests literally make themselves at home and help clean up my kitchen! Who wants to louse that up? 
 I’m glad I only have two children. I gave birth to one, the other one bought me flowers for our anniversary. Our problem is that “date nights” are few and far between.  We get out by ourselves once a year whether we need to or not. By the time we get done paying for a sitter, dinner, drinks (God forbid), dessert and a movie if we really get crazy, we’ve spent a stiff chunk of change.  It’s no wonder we don’t get out much more than that.       
  As if we weren’t short enough on time, I’ve been “Highly Encouraging” (harassing the s**t out of) my spouse to start getting in shape. No, round is a shape, but not a good for your health shape. It has recently dawned on me that I need him to stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible.  I admit I have ulterior motives.  I cannot even think about the possibility of raising a teenager by myself.  It would also be nice to someday enjoy retirement with a healthy person as opposed to taking care of someone chronically ill. Accountants make lousy nurses and I have zero bedside manner. 

  The spouse and I get along well enough.  The biggest reason I married the man (besides my best friend telling me to) was that I became convinced we were joined at the brain. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “I demand a foil hat!”, I’d be driving a much nicer car. The compatibility thing was overwhelming since the beginning.  We’ve read a lot of the same books, he knows how I react to things, we say the same thing at the same time a lot, and can finish my sentences.  It’s nauseating and creepy at the same time. I tried to mentally calculate what the odds are of me finding anyone else I have this much in common with, yeah, I guess I’m committed - or I ought to be. 

Friday, October 14, 2016

Mom's new car and the disappointed dinosaur

  I was recently dragged kicking and screaming into the world of new cars and even worse, car dealers.  My mom just bought a new to her Rav 4 small fuv.  I admit I liked the new car smell and the cockpit.  I was bummed out to discover that the newer cars do not come equipped with cd players anymore.  Don't ask me why I was surprised.  I think it was also a bit annoying to have my old age thrown up in my face like that.  It makes sense now that I think about it.  Of course there's a store in my areas selling cd's for $1, everyone else is buying their music in a digital format, except for us old fartasaurs.
  Mom asked me to come with her when she bought the car, that's the only reason I was there.  Finding out how much money these people were making on the deal is about as easy as finding the holy grail. Feeling as comfortable as a guppy in a shark tank didn't help. Unfortunately for us both, my mom had decided that she was buying a car that day and they knew it.  The dealer in question was someone she found on the recommendation of a friend.  I am also lousy at hiding my dislike of how much they wanted from my mom for the car.
  I think my mom just wanted the process to be over.  Despite the shingles, mom had been to several dealers with friends test driving cars before I got involved.  Normally shopping is supposed to be fun isn't it?  I've been in home improvement stores where I've had to send up a flare to get help (ok it just felt that way). Mom was already fed up with the whole process, or more to the point, exhausted. She made an appointment to buy a car. (This was a  completely new concept for me, to be sure.) Still, I expected a better attitude from people to whom we were trying to give a pantload of money.
  Dealing with car salesman is also a lot like dealing with a politician, again not helpful.
  Mercifully, the best thing about this is that once we're done, we're done for a good long time.  We are of the drive-it-till-the-wheels-fall-off ilk for a lot of reasons.  Cheapness is probably the biggest reason along with avoiding the car buying process like the plague.  It's great to have a new car, of course, but I am perfectly content to keep my old car.  Old Bessie is the last car I bought from my ex before he passed away.  That process was the epitome of car buying perfection.  All I had to do was put the remote down long enough to write him a check.  It was the equivalent of "Fetch me a new car, wench!".  I bought it sight unseen from a guy who was more anal about the car being perfect than Sheldon Cooper solving an equation. I also knew I wasn't getting ripped off. I paid him cost plus a finder's fee.  God, I miss him!!!
  The disadvantage to a new car is the fact that the more gadgets you have, the more something can break. My car is over fifteen years old and I'm sure there are "new" nifty features that I have never used much less know how to use.  Finding an honest mechanic can be like looking for a unicorn.  You've heard of them but never actually seen one.  It can be as much fun as sticking a fork in your eye.  Someday, when I do have to get a new car, I may have to take a course to teach me how to use all the crap it comes with. Maybe I should just ger a new bike.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Can we get a grip, maybe?

   I am shocked again at how fast our summer has flown by.  You'd think I'd be used to this by now but no, I'm still amazed.  It began with the end of the school year panic about how am I going to keep our daughter occupied and ended with school starts when??!!  Our girl did have a good summer.  I can't say it was Facebook glamorous.  There were no pictures of us checking in to this or that amusement park or getaway spot but thanks to camp, she managed a few fun trips and we made it to the beach.
  Fall, will probably fly by in a sneeze.  Besides the blur of homework and soccer, I have a consignment sale, a martial arts test, a birthday party, and a contest entry to handle.  I also managed to commit myself to regular blogposts on a large website for promotional purposes.  Changing my name to skippy would probably give me copyright issues with a major corporation so I'll settle for an unofficial nickname.  I'm wondering how thin I can spread myself.
  It would help me get a grip if I could manage to eat my elephant one bite at a time.  Making lists help and maybe a dose of reality would aslo be nice.  I will not be able to pull everything off, at least not perfectly or when I would like.  Admitting that I don't have a cape and phone booth is depressing. The fun thing about having 'can't remember s**t' and lists it that you have to remember where the hell you put the damn lists.  Starting things early although almost against my genetics is also helpful.
  Another shocker would be to remember that life will go on.  My test is not a death match where the loser gets eaten by a bear.  I will do what I can to make time to write and maybe dig up some old pieces or leaf through some handwritten things to type in and post if I get stuck.  Setting a reasonable word count for fall posting would help.  Once our daughter starts school and soccer, I'm bound to find something funny to rant about.
   Our daughter will definitely turn 8 and come hell or high water there will be an ice cream cake.  The rest will come together one way or another.  We already have half the gifts for her.  The toughest part is telling my inlaws and our friends what her majesty would like for her birthday.  This is a good problem to have, Hellllooooo, we are blessed, remember???  God forbid we should hang onto that.
  Another outcome of all this stress is that I'm losing my hair.  It was getting so bad I went to a dermatologist for help.  I am told the leading cause is - you guessed it - stress!  Stop worrying about losing your hair, it causes hair loss!  I was told my hair is healthy, it's just abandoning ship.  Peachy, I may have to start shopping for hats, or snarky baseball caps.
   Could we not completely freak out and find patches of time to actually enjoy rather than survive??  My God, I may need an oxygen mask! Let's not go completely nuts. They say that exercise is also good stress relief.  I've been having some ungodly workouts lately but for some reason the only thing I've gotten is sore.  The upside of this is that I'm working off my alcohol and chocolate in advance.