Recently, my spouse and I have hit the 14 year mark. It’s hard to believe, of course. I don’t feel 48 and I’m lucky enough to be told I don’t look it, either. We’ve hit that Jesus-Christ-it’s-you-again point in our marriage. I’d like to say that we’re still as frisky as ever but mostly we just want a nap. Our beautiful daughter is 8, funny, smart and full of energy. Did I mention mommy and daddy want a nap? I’ve asked my spouse if he’s sorry we’ve only got one child. “I’m in my 50’s, I’m exhausted!” Our next child will have four legs and a tail.
I get it that I’m lucky to be able to stay home and raise our daughter, it’s just that there are days when I want to run away from home. There are a few downsides if I do that. I’d have to make my own coffee for one. (We live by the biblical rule he-brews.) I’m also not sure who’d end up getting custody. I don’t mean my daughter, I mean that currently, we are the party house and our friends would have to choose. I don’t get any holidays. Our family is small and my in laws are older and prefer to go to restaurants for holidays. I am way not fond of this. Thanksgiving at a restaurant is not a holiday.
I’ve gotten so desperate I made up my own holiday. I call it Friendsgiving. It gives me the chance to make a turkey for more than 3 people and it’s a cheap excuse to get everyone together to drink too much and bulls**t all evening. I also get to use my free-for-$400 turkey we get every year and we get turkey leftovers. We’ve also been doing this for a while now so my guests literally make themselves at home and help clean up my kitchen! Who wants to louse that up?
I’m glad I only have two children. I gave birth to one, the other one bought me flowers for our anniversary. Our problem is that “date nights” are few and far between. We get out by ourselves once a year whether we need to or not. By the time we get done paying for a sitter, dinner, drinks (God forbid), dessert and a movie if we really get crazy, we’ve spent a stiff chunk of change. It’s no wonder we don’t get out much more than that.
As if we weren’t short enough on time, I’ve been “Highly Encouraging” (harassing the s**t out of) my spouse to start getting in shape. No, round is a shape, but not a good for your health shape. It has recently dawned on me that I need him to stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible. I admit I have ulterior motives. I cannot even think about the possibility of raising a teenager by myself. It would also be nice to someday enjoy retirement with a healthy person as opposed to taking care of someone chronically ill. Accountants make lousy nurses and I have zero bedside manner.
The spouse and I get along well enough. The biggest reason I married the man (besides my best friend telling me to) was that I became convinced we were joined at the brain. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “I demand a foil hat!”, I’d be driving a much nicer car. The compatibility thing was overwhelming since the beginning. We’ve read a lot of the same books, he knows how I react to things, we say the same thing at the same time a lot, and can finish my sentences. It’s nauseating and creepy at the same time. I tried to mentally calculate what the odds are of me finding anyone else I have this much in common with, yeah, I guess I’m committed - or I ought to be.
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