The great outdoors?

  We are having quite a soggy summer so far. So far, our basement has survived. I expected much worse, to be honest. In previous years we've made good use of our shop vacs, and we weren't picking up legos. It's also a bit strange that so far this summer, my garden hasn't been producing much. I know I was late to the party in planting to begin with but as of this writing, it's late July and normally we would have stopped buying tomatoes. There's probably a shortage of bees, unless they're on vacation.
   We finally got some mulch down out front and a bunch of weeding done. We even trimmed our bushes out front within an inch of their lives and then another two inches. Any project in which nothing was killed works for me.  What's ironic about all this exterior maintenance crap is that we really don't use our exterior much.  You won't see our family on a Home Depot commercial any time soon.  We are a somewhat different demographic. I could see our ad . Home Depot, when you just need to keep the neighbors from calling the township!
   The problem with weeding is it's like fighting a wall of pudding. Those cloth "barriers" people sell only help slightly. New Jersey weeds are apparently made of tougher stuff.  I have a crap grass issue. The junk I'm trying to get rid of seems to be some sort of demonic cross between a magician's scarf and a fishnet. I can pull up one clump of this garbage and magically four other attached clumps appear.
   Another problem for me personally is all that goddamn nature outside. Those that know me are aware of what a bug wus I am. Since becoming a mom, I've  gotten better over the years. I don't even mind bees, provided they're the right kind. When it comes to bees, I am unabashedly racist. I don't mind the normal 'hey-I'm-pollinating-over-here' type. We understand each other. I leave them alone and they do likewise. What I hate are the 'Buicks-with-wings' that love my deck and hover two inches from my face. Whatever eats those, I want one for a pet.
   My area also seems to be lousy with bunnies. I also put a wall of wire around my tomato plants but so far the only thing it's been keeping out is me! My garden gnome is fired. When I say "gnome" I mean small statue of a T-rex eating gnomes. I think I should have gone with the prone gnome holding an AK 47 or at least Elmer Fudd. Are my bunnies from North Jersey? "Yeah, I got your gnome right here, lady!" I will be glad when fall arrives but I will miss Jersey tomatoes, assuming we get any!
 

Being a grown up

   Dear Diary, it appears I have let myself down. I took a job through a friend to help out at a small accounting office for tax season. I rejoined the dark side, just when I was hoping to get away. Even seasoned, published writers have told me not to quit my day job, not that I've had one lately. The problem is that neither has my spouse -had a job - that is. It's wearing on us, as a family because we are using too much of our savings. I'm not making enough money to live on, far from it, but I was hoping this would have helped out with groceries and gas.
  The position I took was an administrative assistant type of position answering phones, scheduling appointments, and scanning documents. I received 2 nasty emails from my boss within the first 5 part time days of me being there. How do you continue to work for someone who clearly doesn't want you there? It would appear that I'm not friendly enough on the phone, yet somehow too chatty off the phone. The only thing that seems to help is to acknowledge that the owner doesn't know what she wants from one day to the next and that anything I say can and will be misconstrued and used against me.
   Funny how I was told I need to be more professional by someone who has no problems sending rude emails to subordinates and handles questions from new hires like it's a royal pain! The question is whether or not I should stick with a job that is not worth the aggravation and stress to help someone who is not a good person. Would quitting send the wrong message to my daughter? Is it worth the time and gas when you don't want to stress over what may have imploded on you while you were gone?
     Well, it turns out the decision was made for me when my phone rang and her majesty decided that she did not want my services any more. That afternoon I met a friend for lunch and we toasted to the end of "shit jobs". I emailed my hours and have not heard back. We are assuming that if I get a check at all, it won't be correct.
   I mentioned that I was worried about the message I would send to my daughter if I quit this job (now hypothetically). A wise friend pointed out that tolerating poor treatment from other adults is the way wrong message to send to a girl! The fact that this was a business relationship didn't matter and he was right. I explained to her that while I didn't quit just because something was hard, the person I worked for did not behave the way a boss should and I wasn't sorry I lost this job. It's easy to forget how much a kid can puck up on when you are wrapped up in your own grown up issues.
   I try to see what I can learn from disasters like this and the first thing that springs to mind is to not bring in any more personal things than you can fit in your pockets. The other lesson is that sometimes, you need to fire your boss.  I just hope I get my mouse back.

Back to school for who?

  Let me begin this by reminding everyone out there of the old joke about parenthood. It's the toughest job you'll ever love. That is as true as breathing for me. It's all about the offspring. She has managed to permeate everything from our diet to vacations to my writing. This is par for the course and I am more than content with our lifestyle change. It has certainly challenged my creativity to say the least. I have had to find all sorts of ways to get cooperation out of a lot of stubborn on two legs. It adds to the fun  when you know damn well whose DNA you're dealing with and you did this to yourself on purpose.
    There is also an old commercial for office supplies that says "It's the most wonderful time of the year." They are referring to the "Back to school season" as retailers call it. What's also been very true for me is that my daughter is in school, but we're the ones getting educated.  This has been true on a lot of levels. The "season" with all of its sales reminds me a lot of how sugary breakfast cereals are marketed. Why does everything have to be new every fall? "Merchandising, where the real money is made!"  (Mel Brooks, I think, wrote that.) There's your answer.
   I'm late to the party on this, which is typical for me. Our daughter is now in 5th grade. When she was in preschool everything had to have Elmo on it. We are now almost out of Pokemon hell. This last phase had some staying power. My grown up brain however, keeps looking at a perfectly good backpack from last year and I can't grasp the necessity of spending money for a new one when this one still functions. Therein lies my problem. "Function" was never the issue. The "Logo" is no longer correct. The solution would be to stop buying crap with anything on it in the first place. Slowly, the coffee kicks in.
   I recall having gone through this when I would contemplate throwing a birthday party for her majesty. I realized that if I only bought a few things with this week's hot item plastered on them and just stuck to matching colors for the rest I was much better off. I was no longer stuck using leftover Lightning McQueen plates for grown up birthdays, not that my husband ever cared. It appears this concept has much broader applications than I thought. I am much happier saving money where I can at the beginning of the school year. It leaves more room in the budget for liquor store gift cards for her teachers by June. They're gonna need it.