The great outdoors?

  We are having quite a soggy summer so far. So far, our basement has survived. I expected much worse, to be honest. In previous years we've made good use of our shop vacs, and we weren't picking up legos. It's also a bit strange that so far this summer, my garden hasn't been producing much. I know I was late to the party in planting to begin with but as of this writing, it's late July and normally we would have stopped buying tomatoes. There's probably a shortage of bees, unless they're on vacation.
   We finally got some mulch down out front and a bunch of weeding done. We even trimmed our bushes out front within an inch of their lives and then another two inches. Any project in which nothing was killed works for me.  What's ironic about all this exterior maintenance crap is that we really don't use our exterior much.  You won't see our family on a Home Depot commercial any time soon.  We are a somewhat different demographic. I could see our ad . Home Depot, when you just need to keep the neighbors from calling the township!
   The problem with weeding is it's like fighting a wall of pudding. Those cloth "barriers" people sell only help slightly. New Jersey weeds are apparently made of tougher stuff.  I have a crap grass issue. The junk I'm trying to get rid of seems to be some sort of demonic cross between a magician's scarf and a fishnet. I can pull up one clump of this garbage and magically four other attached clumps appear.
   Another problem for me personally is all that goddamn nature outside. Those that know me are aware of what a bug wus I am. Since becoming a mom, I've  gotten better over the years. I don't even mind bees, provided they're the right kind. When it comes to bees, I am unabashedly racist. I don't mind the normal 'hey-I'm-pollinating-over-here' type. We understand each other. I leave them alone and they do likewise. What I hate are the 'Buicks-with-wings' that love my deck and hover two inches from my face. Whatever eats those, I want one for a pet.
   My area also seems to be lousy with bunnies. I also put a wall of wire around my tomato plants but so far the only thing it's been keeping out is me! My garden gnome is fired. When I say "gnome" I mean small statue of a T-rex eating gnomes. I think I should have gone with the prone gnome holding an AK 47 or at least Elmer Fudd. Are my bunnies from North Jersey? "Yeah, I got your gnome right here, lady!" I will be glad when fall arrives but I will miss Jersey tomatoes, assuming we get any!