So far, it's been a crazy fall. We aren't even that far into it, really. It is late September, as of this writing, and I'm still adjusting. Our daughter has entered the double digits and we've been busy as a family organizing a birthday outing, a yard sale, and a family party. In all the chaos of the last several weeks, the unthinkable happened. I MISSED A LIBRARY BOOK SALE!! Those familiar with our home would say we could build furniture with all the books we have as it is, why would you need more?
I admit I have long standing book issues. This most recent error really bothered me because it's never happened before but there's also more to it than that. I hate book dealers with a passion. I've ranted about these creatures before and have made no attempt whatsoever to conceal my feelings when I'm at a book sale. I believe they even know me, not by name, I'm proudly the crazy b***h that hates dealers. Missing the opportunity to bug these people just by my presence feels like making a wicked witch happy. (See earlier sentence about "book issues" and remove the word "book".)
If I remember correctly, I was dimly aware there was a sale that day. We even drove past it, according to my spouse. So what the hell happened, you may ask? My theory is that I became distracted by Amish market coupons and my daughter's tenth birthday trip. We were very concerned about the weather that day since we had been getting stupid amounts of rain recently and I had no "plan B". We arranged to meet my daughter's friend and his family at the beach that day.
Going to a book sale and trying to limit my time there is like telling someone, I'm going to a crack den, I'll be out in ten minutes! It may have been doable to have gotten up and gone early but not easy and definitely upsetting for my spouse. It would have taken a lot to get me out of there and starting the day pissed off is not a good idea.
Forgiving yourself and moving on remain lofty goals for me these days. I can't remember everything. Like most things I worry about, our shore outing turned out great. Our little girl had a great time and we got away with celebrating relatively cheaply. My greedy bulldog brain wants everything and wants it perfect. Anybody know of a book I can read that might help?
Friday, May 31, 2019
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
Happy birthday to who?
Today my baby is ten! She is so excited to reach double digits, mommy, not so much. Coping with my birthday was tough enough. I remember my father 's words, 'It could be worse, you could have a kid your age!'. He couldn't have been more right but today is definitely a layer cake of emotions for me. I enjoy seeing her happy, but getting older scares me. It was comforting to hang onto the little kid phases because hey, I can't be that old if I'm the parent of a toddler, right?
There is an upside to the changes. She is remarkably perceptive when she wants to be and can certainly do a lot more for herself. The downside of course, is when you realize that you aren't needed as much, shouldn't you be doing something else? Therein lies the rub. What, exactly "else" should that be? I've only been trying to answer that question for the last ten years now! Time hasn't been going by any slower to give me time to figure this out, either.
I did manage to put a thumbnail scratch in this iceberg recently when I spoke to one of my daughter's school counselors to find out how she got where she was in her job. It was enlightening and somewhat scary but I'm glad I did. The education required and the internships sounded overwhelming but at least I found out what was involved. I also got some good advice from a friend who suggested rather than going back to school, I should consider getting a job at a school to see if I even like the environment.
Smart friends can be a real asset, but they can also be a pain in the ass when they make you think! There was no arguing that she had a point. There is also the minor detail that we, as of this writing, have zero income coming in and a degree can cost around $26,000. There is also one more consideration, the bane of my existence, letting go. How is this a problem? Some people have gotten a bit spoiled with Mom being home full time. If I am working, that leaves less time to spoil people.
How do I manage to let people do more for themselves and dare I dream it?, help more around the house? If you want to get really crazy, being less bitter about what slobs I live with would go a long way to saving my sanity, too. How exactly does one pull this off? I'm open to suggestions.
There is an upside to the changes. She is remarkably perceptive when she wants to be and can certainly do a lot more for herself. The downside of course, is when you realize that you aren't needed as much, shouldn't you be doing something else? Therein lies the rub. What, exactly "else" should that be? I've only been trying to answer that question for the last ten years now! Time hasn't been going by any slower to give me time to figure this out, either.
I did manage to put a thumbnail scratch in this iceberg recently when I spoke to one of my daughter's school counselors to find out how she got where she was in her job. It was enlightening and somewhat scary but I'm glad I did. The education required and the internships sounded overwhelming but at least I found out what was involved. I also got some good advice from a friend who suggested rather than going back to school, I should consider getting a job at a school to see if I even like the environment.
Smart friends can be a real asset, but they can also be a pain in the ass when they make you think! There was no arguing that she had a point. There is also the minor detail that we, as of this writing, have zero income coming in and a degree can cost around $26,000. There is also one more consideration, the bane of my existence, letting go. How is this a problem? Some people have gotten a bit spoiled with Mom being home full time. If I am working, that leaves less time to spoil people.
How do I manage to let people do more for themselves and dare I dream it?, help more around the house? If you want to get really crazy, being less bitter about what slobs I live with would go a long way to saving my sanity, too. How exactly does one pull this off? I'm open to suggestions.
Monday, May 6, 2019
Happy Mother's Day A**hole!
Have you ever found yourself so upset by someone that you can't even think about them without boiling? What do you do if that someone is family? There was a meme recently that described talking to stupid people (or ignorant and hurtful in my case). It described playing chess with a pidgeon that would s**t all over the board and strut around like it won anyway. I am dealing with someone who refuses to look at their own behavior for what it is, forget changing it. Those that know us understand our current situation is difficult with us both being unemployed.
Recently, I had the unfortunate experience of having this creature in my house and it started spewing a stream of ridiculous Captain Obvious nonsense. It put pressure on what we've all known to be a high pressure situation and made it worse. I have never seen anybody in the history of job seeking work harder to find a job than my spouse.
I was told "I want to help, but I need to see some effort from you." Forgetting the fact that I never asked for "Help" and haven't needed much in well over 20 years, what bothered me the most was the complete and total ignoring of all of our job hunting efforts. I can handle personal attacks on me, I have for years, but to attack my husband and insult his manhood in our home was astounding, to say the least. I am very sorry I didn't throw it out of my home right then and there.
Part of the fault here is mine to be sure. I've been guilty of oversharing. I have never asked for money nor have I complained about our bills, except maybe the COBRA. Perhaps that was even too much. I stopped calling, why stick a fork in my eye?
My husband , God bless him, has been a huge help. He reminded me that life is too short and I need to let the anger go. This is especially true when the person in question is as flexible as concrete and, more to the point, could care less how you feel. Why should I carry around a ball of anger in my stomach, is it doing me any good? The problem is the actual lettng go, part. Forgiveness is allegedly freeing but how to pull it off regardless of the ignorance of the offender is another matter. Putting it mildly, I'm open to suggestions on this one!
Recently, I had the unfortunate experience of having this creature in my house and it started spewing a stream of ridiculous Captain Obvious nonsense. It put pressure on what we've all known to be a high pressure situation and made it worse. I have never seen anybody in the history of job seeking work harder to find a job than my spouse.
I was told "I want to help, but I need to see some effort from you." Forgetting the fact that I never asked for "Help" and haven't needed much in well over 20 years, what bothered me the most was the complete and total ignoring of all of our job hunting efforts. I can handle personal attacks on me, I have for years, but to attack my husband and insult his manhood in our home was astounding, to say the least. I am very sorry I didn't throw it out of my home right then and there.
Part of the fault here is mine to be sure. I've been guilty of oversharing. I have never asked for money nor have I complained about our bills, except maybe the COBRA. Perhaps that was even too much. I stopped calling, why stick a fork in my eye?
My husband , God bless him, has been a huge help. He reminded me that life is too short and I need to let the anger go. This is especially true when the person in question is as flexible as concrete and, more to the point, could care less how you feel. Why should I carry around a ball of anger in my stomach, is it doing me any good? The problem is the actual lettng go, part. Forgiveness is allegedly freeing but how to pull it off regardless of the ignorance of the offender is another matter. Putting it mildly, I'm open to suggestions on this one!
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