I have no real clue what I want to say here so I'm writing anyway in the hopes my coffee will kick in and provide some much needed assistance. Maybe because it's Monday, as of this writing, and raining, my brain is still asleep. I can understand that since I wish the rest of me was also in bed. This past weekend was a bit busy and next weekend looks even busier. I wish I could just go to a pumpkin patch like we usually do this time of year without having to squeeze it in. I prefer Saturdays for these things but so far, that's not looking good for us. It figures since the weather is supposed to be nicer the day I'm too busy to go.
It is also finally starting to feel like fall so I guess my natural desire to get warm and cozy is kicking in. It's been four months since we went on vacation and I miss the beach. Mostly I miss the warmth and the stress relief. Dealing with my mother is the most stressful part of my job as a stay at home mom. It's a good lesson on what I want with my daughter as she gets older. I get it, that life isn't always going to be smooth but I want to become the older person my daughter looks forward to seeing, not a problem to be dealt with. These days I'm trying to decide if it's easier to cut visits and contact shorter or deal with longer but less frequent visits.
I've also decided to look into what I can control. There are ways to shut down hostility from others, respectfully hanging up is one example. I haven't done this myself yet but I plan to try. There's a book called "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty". I found a copy of it on my bookshelf! I need to make the time to read it. Actually doing this will not be easy but I'm hoping it will also help me deal with someone else going through puberty, too. The biggest battle I have is not getting pulled into other people's drama. Right now, however, it feels like I'm in a drama sandwich!
The best I can do, it seems, is to document as much of this bologna as I can in the hopes of using it as a guide for what I don't want. A big thing to hang onto is remembering that I have no reason to apologize for my choices to anyone, including my mother. I am curiously looking forward to reading this again at some point in the future. I want to know how it will feel when my daughter is where I am now. Being aware of what I don't want is the first step. I just hope it's enough.
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Monday, June 10, 2019
Drawing a blank
We are in the post birthday letdown week. The party was thrown, a bit underwhelming for attendance but I think the guest of honor had fun and in the end, I remind myself, that's all that counts. I am one of those dinosaurs who still believes in thank you notes, even if I don't enjoy writing them. We also very rarely receive them.
Ironically, I have no problem writing other things, like blog posts. What's amazing to me is that my daughter hates writing. I frequently wonder whose dna this is for a lot of reasons but this does have me scratching my head. Her issue mostly centers around the physical act of writing. Admittedly, her handwriting makes a lot of prescriptions look neat. We have a hard time getting her to understand that the more you practice, the better it will get. She much prefers to throw a huge hissy fit and drag things out rather than put it in the rear view. I have yet to understand this.
I am an eat your frog first person. I don't recall when, exactly, I latched on to this piece of logic but I have noticed that I usually feel better. My grown up brain forgets that ten year olds don't have much life experience to draw on. The ADHD part of our girl's brain also gets easily overwhelmed these days by seemingly small things when it's something she hates and when hormones are rearing their ugly heads. We forget to take things in small pieces. Grown up brains get tired, cranky, and just want homework killed off. There's also our already developed sense of discipline that we dream we'll see in her. The question is when???
Regrettably, they no longer teach cursive writing in school. Even her teachers are not happy with this revolting development. It occurred to me that when you have a room full of bad penmanship that you aren't allowed to fix, you'd use the computer, too. Mercifully, my daughter's teachers told us they want the kids to be able to at least sign their names by the end of the year. I've also read that for some reason, ADHD kids do better at writing cursive than print. The problem is that physical ability and willingness are two different animals!
Ironically, I have no problem writing other things, like blog posts. What's amazing to me is that my daughter hates writing. I frequently wonder whose dna this is for a lot of reasons but this does have me scratching my head. Her issue mostly centers around the physical act of writing. Admittedly, her handwriting makes a lot of prescriptions look neat. We have a hard time getting her to understand that the more you practice, the better it will get. She much prefers to throw a huge hissy fit and drag things out rather than put it in the rear view. I have yet to understand this.
I am an eat your frog first person. I don't recall when, exactly, I latched on to this piece of logic but I have noticed that I usually feel better. My grown up brain forgets that ten year olds don't have much life experience to draw on. The ADHD part of our girl's brain also gets easily overwhelmed these days by seemingly small things when it's something she hates and when hormones are rearing their ugly heads. We forget to take things in small pieces. Grown up brains get tired, cranky, and just want homework killed off. There's also our already developed sense of discipline that we dream we'll see in her. The question is when???
Regrettably, they no longer teach cursive writing in school. Even her teachers are not happy with this revolting development. It occurred to me that when you have a room full of bad penmanship that you aren't allowed to fix, you'd use the computer, too. Mercifully, my daughter's teachers told us they want the kids to be able to at least sign their names by the end of the year. I've also read that for some reason, ADHD kids do better at writing cursive than print. The problem is that physical ability and willingness are two different animals!
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