Recently I wrote about wondering how to deal with an exceptionally different relation you feel you are "stuck with". We received a phone call from the offensive party telling me to "get over it" and then demanding I come to her house! We weren't exactly eager so my spouse helped me to decide to go the next day. Regrettably, that turned out to be too soon. I had no interest in going there, much less staying. He insisted I stay and another argument ensued. I cannot recall ever being flat out furious before. It was a first, and a lot less helpful than I was hoping. I am relying heavily on my spouse these days.
A part of me is very much hoping that "just get over it" will prove to be tougher than someone else thought. I can say for sure that my husband has never seen me that furious either. I can only hope it tells him that I was not only uber stressed but definitely pushed. An evil part of me also hopes that someone else for only a split second, would be scared of me for once, since I grew up the other way around. I also confess I'm not proud of that. I'm chalking that up to just being human. It's not something I plan on revisiting to be sure. It's also another salient reminder of what I don't want with my daughter.
The following couple of days, phone calls were muted and a bit awkward. My guess is that the creature was finding out that "getting over it" is easier said than done sometimes. I would like to think that she might learn from this but I'm not holding my breath.
During this "Part 2 From Hell" the creature pointed out that its friends have their kids over all the time helping. This goes back to how I grew up. You can't expect a person to want chocolate cake right after throwing up. Our relationship is just not like that, period. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault, it just is. My amazing husband still wants to keep this creature in our lives.
My guts are telling me he is correct, despite her behavior. I want my daughter to still have a relationship with this person regardless of my feelings. He has told me that he did cut someone out for a while and later regretted it. I assume his regret was Catholic guilt related since I knew the person he cut out and I can personally attest it was well deserved. What I admire about my husband is his ability to forgive. My brain tells me it frees you but I still have trouble actually doing it. The biggest hurdle I think is knowing the offensive behavior won't change.
Eventually, we will all get past this. We had another visit recently when we were all calmer and I got the impression that things were moving in a more progressive direction. I don't like my daughter seeing Mommy completely lose it like that. There is only scant comfort in knowing that's a rare occurrence. She covers her ears when my husband and I argue, which is infrequent generally, and even more so in front of her.
There's not much to be proud of during these ugly episodes but I hope my girl understands that her Mommy is human and there are limits to how people should behave, family or not. What you don't need to limit is forgiveness.
Monday, February 24, 2020
Monday, February 10, 2020
The Great Clearance part 112
You know it's Spring when my garage gets cleaned out, figuratively and hopefully, literally. We are again planning for our yard sale. We are lucky to have a neighborhood organization that does this so my development gets to piggy back off of the crowd they draw. I will also announce our little endeavor on Facebook, for what that's worth. We invite friends to join us and bring whatever stuff they want to sell and we make a day of it. It's not as much fun as our wine soaked game nights but it does rank a close second. There is a stupid amount of breakfast food and people give us cash to take away our crap.
I usually hope for a lot of said cash but I enjoy having all the crap that needs to leave herded in one space. We make the majority of our sales by 11am but stay out until 1pm before we officially admit it's over. Our friends are also a helpful bunch and we occasionally "shop" from each other. I'm still waiting for our daughter to "catch on" to letting go of stuff. I've learned to make her aware of anything that may be upsetting if it's sold but I ask for a replacement for any rescues. We have reached the age where she tends to play mostly video games, much to my dismay. I really miss the days when toys were actually played with, sigh.
It took me a few years but I've also learned that it pays to start setting up early, like days ahead early. I hate killing myself at the last minute to put things out. There are two other downsides to yardsales, dealers and early birds. Frequently, they're one and the same! My friends and family know what a basket of sunshine I am in the morning although in recent years, I've been forced, in a sense, to become an early bird. I leave my own yard sale to run up the block and quickly check out the group sale going on at the front of our development. This stresses out my husband but I always make it quick.
Epilogue: It flew by like a wedding. I was idiot tired but managed to get up and we were free of earlybirds! I'm not sure if I should have taken this as a bad sign but it was a relief for me. We actually managed to get set up by 8am! I tagged as many things as I could so there wouldn't be a lot of questions from my husband as I made my way up the block to check out the other sales. I was underwhelmed and made it back in 30 minutes. We managed a barely respectable amount of sales but in our defense, we had the weather against us. It was cold and ridiculously windy. We had to chase our stuff around the yard and move things into the garage to keep them from blowing away.
I'm gathering up my donation for Purple Heart and stow the rest for what I keep swearing will be the last time. See you next sale.
I usually hope for a lot of said cash but I enjoy having all the crap that needs to leave herded in one space. We make the majority of our sales by 11am but stay out until 1pm before we officially admit it's over. Our friends are also a helpful bunch and we occasionally "shop" from each other. I'm still waiting for our daughter to "catch on" to letting go of stuff. I've learned to make her aware of anything that may be upsetting if it's sold but I ask for a replacement for any rescues. We have reached the age where she tends to play mostly video games, much to my dismay. I really miss the days when toys were actually played with, sigh.
It took me a few years but I've also learned that it pays to start setting up early, like days ahead early. I hate killing myself at the last minute to put things out. There are two other downsides to yardsales, dealers and early birds. Frequently, they're one and the same! My friends and family know what a basket of sunshine I am in the morning although in recent years, I've been forced, in a sense, to become an early bird. I leave my own yard sale to run up the block and quickly check out the group sale going on at the front of our development. This stresses out my husband but I always make it quick.
Epilogue: It flew by like a wedding. I was idiot tired but managed to get up and we were free of earlybirds! I'm not sure if I should have taken this as a bad sign but it was a relief for me. We actually managed to get set up by 8am! I tagged as many things as I could so there wouldn't be a lot of questions from my husband as I made my way up the block to check out the other sales. I was underwhelmed and made it back in 30 minutes. We managed a barely respectable amount of sales but in our defense, we had the weather against us. It was cold and ridiculously windy. We had to chase our stuff around the yard and move things into the garage to keep them from blowing away.
I'm gathering up my donation for Purple Heart and stow the rest for what I keep swearing will be the last time. See you next sale.
Shoulding on myself again
We, who are not in the mood for any of this, salute you. I don't understand why it seems to be so difficult for me to look for freelance writing jobs and/or looking for a summer job. I am almost done the application process to become a substitute teacher. Having a job to go to is not a cheap excuse for me to avoid looking for writing opportunities. I've got the house for that. If the fact that I'm getting older scares me, I remain baffled by my uncanny ability to waste time. It's probably more accurate to say that I am a master of diversionary tactics. The other things I do instead of write are all "useful", they're just not personally helpful.
As usual, there is no credit for small victories. I have managed to blog every weekday for over a year now. I finally saw the career coach I'd been talking about for months and entered a humor poetry contest. As usual, I'm also not so good at following the advice I paid for. The coach helpfully reminded me that this whole career change thing is process. The substitute teaching gig I'm working on is not the only thing in my life. There is no reason to let go of my love and interest in humor writing but I need to be realistic about my goals. Even published authors have told me "Don't quit your day job."
We, as a family, are still focused on getting something that will bring in money. I struggle with the idea of a dream deferred not necessarily meaning a dream abandoned. Even writing will not be a straight path in a sense that I will be writing what a client or boss needs first before I can write what I love and get paid. I'm reading about how a career change also frequently means a drop in income. Peachy, that's just what we need! The whole process can also take years, which will not start until I start it. At the rate I'm going I could be looking at a decade!
As usual, there is no credit for small victories. I have managed to blog every weekday for over a year now. I finally saw the career coach I'd been talking about for months and entered a humor poetry contest. As usual, I'm also not so good at following the advice I paid for. The coach helpfully reminded me that this whole career change thing is process. The substitute teaching gig I'm working on is not the only thing in my life. There is no reason to let go of my love and interest in humor writing but I need to be realistic about my goals. Even published authors have told me "Don't quit your day job."
We, as a family, are still focused on getting something that will bring in money. I struggle with the idea of a dream deferred not necessarily meaning a dream abandoned. Even writing will not be a straight path in a sense that I will be writing what a client or boss needs first before I can write what I love and get paid. I'm reading about how a career change also frequently means a drop in income. Peachy, that's just what we need! The whole process can also take years, which will not start until I start it. At the rate I'm going I could be looking at a decade!
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