Racking my brains

  Another day of sitting down trying to write and come up with something. I feel bad about not being able to come up with something, preferably funny. I also would like to be able to post for a humor blog I joined but I haven't been able to come up with anything I ideally like lately. I can't be the only one going through this. My husband has been unemployed for almost six months now and we have no income coming in. We are approaching that last one to get a job is a rotten egg point. This is really aggravating my mid life crisis. I really have to force myself to deal with this.
   I am trying to apply for a freelance resume writing job but the website I registered with doesn't work. I'm going to have to start from scratch and see if I can find something independent. Perhaps a new page on Linked In? I would also have to cope with my current contacts seeing the switch. The problem is, we've had nothing coming in for six months now, so we could use to fix that.
   A while ago, there was a failed experiment. A friend of mine got me a job with her boss. This was an administrative position. Regrettably, this person decided she didn't like/want me there. One of her friends/clients was probably upset that I was hired and not her daughter and decided to complain about me to this boss. I did nothing but attempt to make small talk in a friendly way about being new. This was manipulated against me and thus I lost the position. This, in no way, was the fault of my friend who got me the job initially. So why do I have such a hard time around my friend, who still works there?
   It could be a question of exposure. When someone has an allergy, you gradually increase the exposure to the "irritant" until they develop a tolerance. What if the "irritant" is actually you own ego?
God forbid I give myself some shred of credit here but there is something to be said for even attempting to figure things out. I am reminded of my ex and the last time we spoke. He was upset that he was single and wanted to settle down. Forgetting for a minute my brain screaming 'It sure as hell took you long enough!', it was me who tried to console him. I remember telling him how good it was that he was figuring things out now at 44, not 74. Regrettably, he passed away three days later (the coroner ruled the death accidental but some of us had our doubts). It's wierd to think of myself in a similar position.

   I need to insert a quick postscript here. Time passing has helped me get over my 'issues' surrounding this episode and I finally got off my ass and started Graduate school. I'm happy to say I managed to get my grown up status back.