Those that know me well are aware that I am a big humor fan. I love the bad puns, Monty Python, Mel Brooks, sarcasm and a lot of dad jokes. It's roughly week 8 of this global pandemic and I have to say that my humor is sometimes wearing thin. I know it's a combination of several things. The loss of routine and a job, such as I had one, are factors. I've also been aware that my depression has flared up and I am choosing not to increase my medication at this time. That's a conscious decision on my part so I know to allow for my brain's 'misbehavior' at times. I am referring to the wallowing in self pity, the sarcasm and lack of filter which is a permanent and part of my charm.
I am doing all, or most of the the healthy things you're supposed to be doing to actively fight this. I could, however, use a boost. A million dollar fun business idea would be just the ticket but in the meantime I'll settle for extending my circle. If I shift my focus outward, that may help. Mapping out some goals wouldn't be too bad either. I still wish there was something I could do for a humor refresh. It would be great to come up with a snarky survivors guide for this but so far it feels like I'm running on empty.
What's a sarcastic critter to do?
Giving myself permission to, dare I say, appreciate some of this? It sounds crazy, I know. Here's what I keep missing. It feels mindnumbingly dull to plan meals and clean the house week in and week out. There's a reason you only see 'happy housewives' on tv, they're fictional. However, this is also the only time in our little family's history in which I'm not waiting for my spouse to get home or worried about getting my daughter somewhere after school. Is this ever going to happen again? I doubt it. Having them home, even this much, just might be something I will miss.
I have yet to get comfortable with uncertainty. In fact, I had no real clue how much of a control freak I was until I lost this much control over my life. My brain keeps telling me it's ok not to know what you want to do with your life. Floundering, in and of itself, means something. It beats staying unhappy in a career until they close the lid. This isn't the first time in my life l've had a knawing sense of something rotten in Denmark. I returned an engagement ring once. That made the CPA exam look like a cake walk. This pandemic will end and hopefully I will end up back in school for a graduate degree.
I will start a new path, to be documented with my usual snark, stay tuned!
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