The Dinosaur Blues

   If there were warnings, I'm sure I missed them. I think I even chose to ignore them, or at least didn't think about what they meant. It started about 6 months ago with storage space messages on my phone. Ok, I figured I'd better start clearing caches and deleting apps I don't use. I was able to continue to limp along for another few months without a problem. Then I noticed I couldn't really use Facebook. It would load, but you couldn't see anything further than one screen. No scrolling was possible. I waste too much time on there anyway, right? I just gave up using it on my phone. A small resentful seed was slowly growing in the back of my mind.
   That evil empire (fill-in-the-blank) cell phone company is trying to force me to get a new phone. Damn those bastards! I will resist! I happen to like my current phone. The biggest thing I like about it is the fact that it's not - big, that is. I already have a tablet, thank you and this phone fits in my pocket. I continued to limp along, deleting unnecessary photos and I figured as long as I can still make a call or get a text, I'm still good. I still had my bare minimum needed functions. Dinosaurs that we are, we try to get things repaired unless and until they are obviously and sometimes way beyond dead.
    Finding people who actually fix things in a throw away society, however, is becoming too much fun for humans.  I'm also convinced the profit on cell phones is huge so these creatures have a huge incentive to try to sell you a new phone. I have a very strong incentive NOT to buy one. I'm quite sure I will be told by representatives of the evil empire that my device is no longer supported by the manufacturer. I get the whole built in obsolescence thing but that doesn't mean I won't fight it. I have been trying to adhere to a get one good thing and keep it forever philosophy for larger ticket items, at least.
    My phone was currently at the point where you couldn't use it because it was choked with messages blocking the thing from functioning. I decided to research my issue and found other people who have had my problem. Lo and behold there are others who have dealt with this bologna but regrettably they have all had to wipe their devices memory. This was not looking good. It's funny to think that I grew up and survived college without a cell phone. Today, if I forget my device, it feels like I left the house without pants. Something is missing!

 

Today's rant

   It's roughly mid February in a wierdly mild winter. I have no shortage of things to do, as usual, despite not working today. It looks like I'm going to need a to do list to help me finally make some progress. I can't get jealous of other people's success if I'm not doing something to get myself moving. Hopefully seeing something on paper will make it easier to pick small things off. The list itself needs to be more than housework, though. Hanging onto the "process" part of things is hard. I'm impatient. I want to know what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Processes are messy and unpredictable.
   I hate that! What is this patience and where do I get some right now?! I'm  having a real problem letting go of looking for that angelically lit "Aha!" moment that tells me this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Getting comfortable with uncertainty is about as appealing as putting on a hair shirt. If I'm going to insist on being a control freak, I need a path to follow. If I can't find one, I'll make one instead (thank you Dr. Suess!). Making time to make a list seems to be an issue. Brainstorming without including housework may only yield a drizzle but I'll take what I can get. Breaking things down into tiny bits will help with giving me some shred of a sense of accomplishment, too. 

    Oddly enough, there are actually benefits to being in this position, if one is only able to see them. There are still times, for example, when my kiddo gets sick or has a school function. I still have the luxury of being there without the bonus hassle of worrying about a boss.
    The older she gets, of course, the more pressure I feel to do something to bring in some income. I recently picked up my first tutoring client. It's another new step in my process, which, God forbid, was a small something to be proud of. So, dear reader, what do you want to be when you grow up, and how do you eat your elephant?