Today's rant

   It's roughly mid February in a wierdly mild winter. I have no shortage of things to do, as usual, despite not working today. It looks like I'm going to need a to do list to help me finally make some progress. I can't get jealous of other people's success if I'm not doing something to get myself moving. Hopefully seeing something on paper will make it easier to pick small things off. The list itself needs to be more than housework, though. Hanging onto the "process" part of things is hard. I'm impatient. I want to know what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Processes are messy and unpredictable.
   I hate that! What is this patience and where do I get some right now?! I'm  having a real problem letting go of looking for that angelically lit "Aha!" moment that tells me this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Getting comfortable with uncertainty is about as appealing as putting on a hair shirt. If I'm going to insist on being a control freak, I need a path to follow. If I can't find one, I'll make one instead (thank you Dr. Suess!). Making time to make a list seems to be an issue. Brainstorming without including housework may only yield a drizzle but I'll take what I can get. Breaking things down into tiny bits will help with giving me some shred of a sense of accomplishment, too. 

    Oddly enough, there are actually benefits to being in this position, if one is only able to see them. There are still times, for example, when my kiddo gets sick or has a school function. I still have the luxury of being there without the bonus hassle of worrying about a boss.
    The older she gets, of course, the more pressure I feel to do something to bring in some income. I recently picked up my first tutoring client. It's another new step in my process, which, God forbid, was a small something to be proud of. So, dear reader, what do you want to be when you grow up, and how do you eat your elephant?