The Wall of Pudding

    I am currently unemployed, sort of. This Fall, I finally started graduate school and got the brilliant idea of also taking an H & R Block tax class to get a job preparing tax returns for this coming tax season. Mommy hasn't had homework in 30 years. I'm rusty as hell, putting it mildly.  I've also been dodging the substitute teaching this year so far. The pandemic was one reason but my biggest problem was the fact that the school changed how people are teaching, too. I have no clue how to teach online!

   The tax class largely wrapped up around Mid November so I technically have some time to squeeze in a day at the school here and there. The issue is working up the courage. I haven't done any jobs yet this school year so the fuzziness and fear of the unknown are looming large. It's not a comfortable feeling when you're walking into a situation where there is no training. Is it any different at the college level? Is the whole thing just learn by doing? Technology has been giving me nothing but grief since the pandemic began so I'm not exactly thrilled with the prospect of learning new software, too.  

   Sometimes, decisions are made for you. It turns out that due to rampant increases in covid cases, the school has gone all virtual. This means that no one will be there to teach, and there goes the substitute teaching gigs, for now, at least. H & R Block could very well be the only game in town, work wise. This is helpful, of course, because now I  can focus my time on my graduate school project and getting my house in shape. There is never a time outside of vacation, when 'unexpected free time' is really free. It just means I get to take care of other things I couldn't get to before.

   This particular Fall having extra time will be a blessing. I may actually get the chance to enjoy the holidays more than last year. It seems they fly by all the faster when you're wrapped up in the preparation. Starting earlier may really happen this year. I never used to like the idea of starting Christmas decorating around Thanksgiving. This year I get it. We need the bonus of anything festive to help fight depression and stretching out something pleasant. I won't start saying Merry Christmas to anyone before December 1st though. 

The Flatulent Brain

   It apears I have several dwarves covered. I'm bloated, stressed, overwhelmed, cranky and tired. Since I can't wait for a new year, you'd think that my mortal enemy, tempus fugit, could be a good thing for once. The problem is that I'm a bit too busy for my taste and could use to enjoy some of the fall before it's gone. The plan is to do that this weekend. It's cheesey but I love the hayride to a pumpkin patch, the obligatory cider and donuts, and a corn maze. It doesn't quite rival the beach but I would miss it if we didn't go. 

   It's another instance of my impatience. Years ago, I wrote in a green journal about everything that I was worried about on any given day or week. Pages later, in my own hand, is evidence that everything turned out fine and all the work got done. I would starve as a fortune teller yet somehow my brain won't give up the fretting. This time of year has a small level of sadness to it anyway. My sister passed away on Halloween. We both loved the holiday and I still do but I get a tinge of blues with it now.  A small dose of Autumn leaves and sunshine certainly couldn't hurt.

   I could use to remember that this year, in particular, is fubar. Subsequently, addiional slack will need to be cut. Things that were doable last year may not work  this year. When we researched our usual pumpkin patch we discovered that you had to reserve hay rides in advance. This was new because of covid and I didn't have to reserve a spot last year. They were booked solid and we missed the ride this year. I was disappointed but I was able to let it go as being a one off pain in the ass and hopefully next year will be better. We did manage a corn maze, cider, and good donuts.

   There is bonus stress due to school. I understand my daughter's internal pressure to want to do well, now. I had a big project due for my master's degree and I had a tough time with this. I'm still getting my legs under me after being out of school for 30 years! It's taking longer than I would like. It's also a bigger time commitment than I expected. I've learned that so far, I can handle two classes a semester at most. I haven't done any substitute teaching this year, either. I don't know how people do this with a full time job. Remembering how lucky I am to be able to do this while staying home helps a lot.

    This is probably the first year in a long time in which the Merry Hallothankmas retailers are pushing will actually come in handy. I need the help to remind me to start preparing and I'll be glad to see 2020 go. The work will get done, as always. I will be forced to let some things go. I don't have a cape and phone booth. It would be a good idea to ask for help occasionally, too but let's not get crazy.  I'm hopeful this next year will be an improvement. I certainly don't want to know if rock bottom has a basement.