peeps hangover

   Forgetting for a minute that I still can’t believe Easter has come and gone, I’d like to focus on next Easter.  Like the day after Valentine’s Day when candy is half price, you would think I’d be happy to see the same thing now.  You’d be wrong, sort of.  Don’t get me wrong, half price or cheaper chocolate is right up there with my dream job as a mattress tester.  The problem is that I am not alone in the holiday spirit.  It did originate with me, though.  I blame our daughter.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  Throughout the year, whenever I’m out I always manage to find things for her regardless of what I’m looking for.  Mostly small stuff, books, flip flops, small toy figures, cheap pc games or a necklace or something.  The problem is that after six months that stuff piles up. 

  For me, it piles up to the point of being covered for the next 2 gift giving occasions, easy.  Another issue is the fact that I’m shopping for someone with the attention span of a squirrel.  I try to keep some things practical but sometimes I end up having to reroute things if they get “stale” by the time I’m ready to give them.  We are lucky in that she is an only child and since we are “older” parents we can afford to pick up things as we go. Stashing this stuff does help me save time later because I can “shop at home” when I need a gift.  

   What I’m having trouble handling is the sugar war and the ridiculous amount of toys we get for 1 kid.  We are very lucky that not only can we spoil her but our family spoils her too.  I’m concerned that she’s getting a bit numb to it.  Easter was like Hallomas!  There was a pantload of peeps and other candy and oodles of game creatures among other things.  Mommy’s easter bunny went practical, putting snack combo cups, flip flops, aqua shoes, and plastic trading card pages in her basket.  I also weakened and did put some sugar in there, too.  I succumbed to the jellybeans for a dollar and peeps for 3 for a dollar.  I admit I have cheapness issues that are probably genetic.  

   This was a bad move because we are surrounded by professionals.  There were 2 egg hunts which yielded a stupid amount of tootsie rolls and some other candy.  Then, mom-mom gave our girl a basket with Polish candy and other goodies.  This was followed by a Sunday brunch with 3 more baskets and then another one from our bunny later!  Next year, I think our bunny is going to have some hard times and leave a much smaller basket.  I would like to think she wouldn’t notice the difference but that little stinker never ceases to surprise me.  Easter Monday she had the gaul to ask if she got her treat from her behavior chart for the week!  I realize I gave birth to a girl but this kid has a pair!! 

   Granted, she is still young and does have her generous points, but the concept of “give till it hurts” is way not on this kid’s radar.  We can give away duplicates of things with no problem.  I guess you have to start somewhere.  I’ve introduced the concept of selling things we’re no longer using, too.  (See previous article on toys emitting distress signals before a yard sale.) Once again, I’m trying to relate to a seven year old with a grown up brain.  Still, I do want her to start appreciating things and not expect too much.   

   I don’t have any control over what other family members do, especially mom-mom.  A friend had a great suggestion though.  The next time we get a ridiculous amount of candy I could have our little sugar fiend select some to enjoy now and some to put away for later.  Toys, for the most part, still need to disappear by stealth.  I still plan to keep trying to keep things down to a dull roar.  When we go out and she turns into “Captain Iwant” I usually tell her “We have a small house, I don’t have the room for too much stuff.  Can you think of something you’re done with that we could give away or sell? “  Miraculously, I often get a blank stare. God help us if we move.    

  I think someone may have actually been checking me out the other day as I was walking to get my daughter from school.  I had lost some weight lately.  Either that or my fly was open.  Not sure which.

When I grow up...

   Tempus Fugit sucks.  

   There is an old saying that goes it is now how old you are, it is how you are old.  It’s not being in my forties that’s the problem.  After all, my father once said, ‘It could be worse, you could have a kid your age.’.  It’s this desparate need I have to savor every moment, since, as I learned the hard way, you may not have as much time on this earth as you think you do.  The hardest thing I wrestle with is the now.  Perhaps I’m fighting ingrained, grown up habits.  Odd, since I live with the perfect teacher.

   My three year old wakes up every day happy and looking for fun.  Mommy wakes up most mornings praying for coffee and wondering how am I going to keep her occupied all day.  What the hell’s wrong with me?  Bored? How dare you?  Since when was life something to get through?  If that’s the case, I’m doing something wrong.  

   While there are places to go and things to clean, there are also horsies out the car window.  There are dragon shaped clouds, sand in your toes, and - dare I say it - occasional ice cream before dinner!  Look mommy, look!

   She is friendly and outgoing like her father.  While I have lived like a hamster in my home for seven years, not knowing many of our neighbors, my daughter will say hi to just about any grownup with two ears - and most dogs.  She will immediately tell them a terribly important story in which they have no idea what the hell she’s talking about.  You will never see grownups doing this.  My husband is one, but Dave’s english is fine and mostly logical. 

   Exhausting and beautiful, our girl is an education and a gift.  She wants to feel and taste and see and smell and question everything.  She will also be teaching me patience for the rest of my life.   Sometimes, I am jealous at her simplicity.  If she gets hot, she just gets naked, problem solved.  Mommy will never again feel that free but I’m ok with that one - really ok.  

   Still, I don’t want her to be like me.  She is my second shot at learning how to enjoy, even the boring parts.  I’m pretty sure that when I grow up, I want to be three.  

informal poll

   I have a question for those readers interested.  How do you handle it when you don't like your daughter's friend?  As I've often said, parenting is an education, on a lot of levels.  As usual, I'm learning all sorts of things I didn't expect.  Our girl likes to play  with one of the neighbor's kids.  Don't get me wrong, our girl is not being bullied or hurt. She is however being bothered, and so is mommy.  This kid will knock on our door, barge in, ask for candy, spill things, make a mess of toys, and leave.  She stays for hours and we never hear from her parents, who, by the way , have a nanny.
   My problem is, the kid is not mean per se, just maddening and I disagree/don't understand how she's being raised.  It's not the kid's fault and in parenting it's really hard to judge if you don't know the full story.  Nonetheless, I can't deal with the stress.  We have a small house and I've made it clear to our girl that she is responsible for any mess that she and her guests make.  I've also let a different mommy know that if our girl engages in similar behavior in her house, she had our permission to toss her out.  It was my hope that if the mommies ganged up on these shorter people the message would get through.  She had also observed similar behavior in the same girl.  I am at a loss for how to handle this.  I've always stank at politics.  The only solution I've come up with so far is to limit the visits to a maximum of two hours, preferably either outside or at the other girl's house.
  I think even our daughter has figured this out.  I don't want her to be mean to this kid and I don't want to upset her parents but I could use a break.  If I'm being a bit nuts, it wouldn't be the first time but I'd also like to know.  Your turn....

  Am I the only one who can't believe it's September already??!! Our girl has been back to school a whopping two days and already the homework hissy fit has started.  This was not because the teacher loaded her up, no, her majesty didn't want to sit down and fill out one measly page of numbers!  Why is it that what appears to be a small request or task gets me all the drama of a nordic opera?
  When we ask her to brush her teeth, you'd think I was asking her to rip out her eyeballs!  I have also stopped trying to explain why she has to take care of her teeth.  Talking when no one is listening just makes me feel like a bee trying to fly through a closed window.  Am I the only one going through this?  God help me, I hope not.  Does anyone know Meryl Streep's parents??
   Do you, dear reader, remember an office supply commercial years ago that played the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" around the back to school season?  I certainly do.  I must remind myself that I am among a privileged few. I am a stay at home mom.  I didn't plan it this way, as those close to us know but I can acknowledge that I am indeed luckier than a great many who can't afford to spend their days at home raising their child.  I guess it's a function of my age as a parent, as well as my sarcastic temperament.  I gave birth at 40.  When my spouse and I were younger, we had a lot more energy, but no money.  We now have money but not enough energy to handle a bouncy six year old as well as the next parents over.
   There is an old saying that familiarity breeds contempt.  I'm getting the distinct impression that after being home since mid June, we were getting sick of each other.  Granted, we didn't just sit home and stare at the four walls.  There was camp three days a week for most of the summer.  The last two weeks of August we had nothing planned and no camp.  Since I'm such a huge chicken I decided to try to come up with a list of ten or twelve possible things we could do. This included going to the library, mini golf, a movie, visiting Daddy at work for lunch etc.  I think we managed three or four out of twelve.  Clearly, our girl had other ideas.  Some of which involved trying to visit neighborhood friends at 5pm!  This kid has no sense of timing.  Isn't the universal 'you-people-need-to-leave-wilma's-making-dinner' time 5:30pm?
   After a couple of years of cleaning up after mine and other people's kids, mommy is slowly starting to smarten up.  My girl is responsible for any mess she and her guests make.  They are to clean up together, otherwise, she can play at another house.  I've also let another mom know she is welcome to toss my kid out under the same circumstances.  I'm hoping if we gang up on them, we may actually get somewhere.  A mommy can dream.  I'm also learning that playdates are not seven hour affairs! Mercifully, the first time for that was the last.  There's hope for me yet.
  There was also a painful amount of Ipad time.  Ding dong that is now dead!  The Ipad is verboten until the homework is done.  Two nights a week there will also be soccer.  We have also implemented the return of the school year bedtime schedule.  Management Unfair! This is an outrage! You'll be hearing from my lawyer!
  There are parts of summer I will miss.  Mostly they involve visiting Mom Mom at her house to swim in their community pool.  Our girl loves to swim and carting her around for two sets of swim lessons was worth it to see how much she improved over last year. I'm also aware that time with Mom Mom is not an inexhaustable well.  Lunches at Chik-Fil-A weren't bad and there was also a good playground outing with two other moms that was nice.
   I'm also looking forward to regaining my capacity to enjoy our girl.  She has the best giggle and is amazingly smart.  The last two weeks turned me into a worse crab than usual.  I was becoming an overcritical pain in the ass.  Going back to school is just as good for her I think, as me.  Then again, perhaps mommy just needs to get a freakin' job??
  I  

  I was waiting recently in a radiologists office to get a mammogram.  Frequently I bring puzzles from the paper to work on while I'm waiting.  There are three, a sudoku, a cryptogram, and a word game.  The word game asks you to make x number of words out of a bigger word.  This was a follow up from an "unusual" screen I had six months ago.  I'm waiting and my imagination is running away with me.  What if they find something? What if it's bad?  To those who know me, this is typical.  The third puzzle asked me how many words can I make from the word "alarmist"?  Again with the irony.  I can't make this stuff up.  After I stopped laughing at myself, I found out my results are normal - physically anyway.

  A friend suggested I post this and I guess it's as good a rant as any.  It's a Tuesday evening and I am on my couch.  Sometime in 1998 I started training at a martial arts studio.  I began this for warped reasons and if anyone had told me back then that someday I was going to get my black belt I would have said they were crazy. When I was younger I worked out 4 times a week, after work.  I also had a regular gym membership back then.  I was going to 2 classes and 2 workouts each week.  I hadn't even cracked 30 then and I ate like a farm animal.  Them was the good old days.
   I broke up with a boyfriend and had to end the gym membership when a relationship ended.  I couldn't handle seeing my ex there.  I did find another gym and also another boyfriend.  Nine months later I got engaged.  My new love was not much for working out but went along to be polite.  We moved in together shortly before the wedding and with both of us working it became really tough to get both of us to the gym a half an hour from his house.  Eventually, the membership had to go as we weren't using it.  I decided to train an additional night at the dojang.
   Seventeen years later, I still train.  Our little girl is six and full of energy.  Mommy and Daddy are idiot tired.  The only one at our house who eats like a farm animal and can get away with it is four feet tall.
   What bothers me is that I find myself looking for almost any cheap excuse to avoid working out. It seems I can only come up with two justifiable reasons for skipping, not that I ever feel that way.  I am giving myself a "slug pass" on the first day of my period.  Who in their right mind would be in a hurry to put on white pants much less work out?? Shouldn't that be an automatic 'no thanks'? The other excuse is bad weather.  I will not drive during hellfire and brimstone coming down in the summer or an ice rink in the winter.  I like my car in the shape it's in, unwrinkled.
   I can only wonder what the hell happened to me. 'But you were a gym rat when you were younger, don't you enjoy working out?', my friend asked.  No, not really.  I don't think I ever did.  I began working out as a compulsion to keep my weight under control.  This later morphed into meeting a boyfriend at the gym.  This later morphed into following the suggestion of a martial arts instructor saying I really needed to train an additional night (aka take his class).  This has now degenerated into my contract is paid for I need to get my ass over there. The enthusiasm is underwhelming.  For reasons I have yet to grasp, I feel guilty as hell when I don't go.
   I worked out this evening and even though I didn't feel like going I'm glad I did. I lived.  It wasn't a cage match where the loser gets eaten.  Yes, once in a purple moon it's a tough workout.  For someone who's constantly in fear of getting too fluffy, isn't that a good thing? At least after a class,  I don't feel so bad about all the chocolate and alcohol. There are also esoteric benefits to going.  When I pull into the parking lot I usually check out the cars to see who's there.  Misery loves company.  I keep wanting to do better than that.
   The biggest problem I'm having is that after all these years I'm looking for something I can enjoy doing.  That's probably nuts.  Workouts are only enjoyable in ad campaigns aren't they?