The search continues

   Welcome to my mid life crisis - still going on. It's irrational but I find myself getting jealous of other people's success. My brain knows that it comes from hard work and persistence, not sitting around stuck. The problem seems to be with me being home and needing a clear direction and focus. I recently saw a career counselor and so far, it's only been one visit but she's given me a lot to think about. I want to be aware that these visits are not going to be some quick magic cure. Besides still not being clear on what I'm passionate about, the other problem is discipline. It's a big ingredient in progress and I used to have it. So what happened?!
    I'm guessing that a big part of this mental flotsam is our current family situation. There is no money coming in, as of this writing, and so I am working to find a grown up job. My age, however, is still screaming in my ears "What are you meant to do with your life?!" . There are reminders everywhere to not give up chasing something I enjoy. Humor seems to be at the heart of almost everything for me, but I'm wondering how do I use that beyond just surviving a Tuesday? There is a small bit of hope. I'm pretty sure that no matter what happens, it will not end up perfect and not only is that okay, that's was never the goal anyway.
    I'm sure I've been setting my bar too high, I always have. I do tend to ignore my own progress. Seeing a counselor when I'd been talking about it for months is just one example. Baby steps are still steps. I think I need to have that tattooed somewhere. There is also a limit to what I can control. Once you've tried your ass off, the rest is out of your hands. It's a job just finding things to apply for, and so far I've managed to find around 30. (I've even gotten 3 responses!) Not giving up is the most important thing I can do, besides being a mom, of course.
  The most important opinion about this entire mess is my own. I also have to remember that crisis or not, we still have bills. Being a grown up doesn't mean giving up. Practicality can be a necessary detour, for now. Stay tuned.