We who are not in the mood for this, salute you!

   Mondays have always been a pain, unless I'm on vacation. Those close to me may also recall that I have a long history of depression. I won't get into the gory details but suffice it to say that I need to be on the lookout for triggers and plan for them. These days it's been a much bigger fight than usual. I am once again, along with a huge swath of America, unemployed. Add miserable weather, a quarantine, and my spouse and child being fully occupied and you've got a recipe for some sour brain stew. It's not that I have nothing to do per se. It's feeling like what I'm doing is valuable.
   I am running into a bonus wrinkle at the moment. What "nonvaluable" things I do every day still have to get done whether I feel good or not. That's irony for you. The older I get, the harder it gets to fight my way through illness. My brain has yet to acknowledge this. Slowly I am being forced to learn to take it easy on myself.  It's a "lucky" thing for me to be unemployed on days like this but I also don't get a paid sick day, either.
   I've become an eat your frog first kind of person these days. A friend reminded me to focus on the aftermath. It always feels good to get anything I'm not fond of in the rearview. Hopefully that may help me with the whole getting started issue. Small steps are also still steps. I think I need to get that tattooed somewhere. It would also be great to plan small rewards that don't involve food. It's funny to think how much I have in common with my daughter! 'Mommy I don't want to!' seems to have no age limit. It would also help to ignore the whole monotony of chores that never seem to 'stay done', too.
   Mommy could also use to taker her own advice and eat the never ending elephant one bite at a time. Once again, I let myself get sucked into my own personal vortex. Lists come in handy for a few reasons. Killing off anything written down gives me a feeling of accomplishment, even if it's small. Plus it also takes care of the 'I'll remember to do that' delusion. Looking too far ahead is a real problem for me, so even my lists have to be done carefully. I have a tendency to write down things like 'get a Master's degree' as opposed to 'how about we contact Rutgers?'.
    The sooner I start whatever hemorrhoid of the day, the sooner I get rid of it. Have a good one, whatever you're doing!