And another thing!

    I mentioned previously that I was looking for something from my spouse that was a little better than feeling up a bowl of jello. Those who have seen my hubby would probably say he looks ok for a guy his age. He is not what I would call "fat as a house" but has a belly. So what's so wrong with that you superficial bastard? Well, yes, I  am, in fact, a superficial jerk but I have my reasons.
   First, I have always been a gym rat. The problem for me is that my husband could care less about fitness. He does care about sex. This is one problem for me in that while I know he is fond of my boobs, I'm not fond of his. I work hard to keep myself in some shred of shape and I get resentful that I'm the only one. I am not looking for Mister Universe, just respectable will do. It's almost impossible to feel like you want to snuggle with someone you don't want. I am not ready to give up on having a decent sex life while I still have a decent body.
   It's also a question of health. The more you move, the more you can move. I have no interest in becoming my husband's nurse because he refuses to take care of himself. I saw my Mom go through this with my Father and it's nothing I want any part of.  It's bad enough I do most of the cleaning up like she did.
   Then there is buyer's remorse, in a sense. My brain told me that this marriage would be a good thing for me. I married a person who loved me, was a good person, and made me feel wanted (something I had deperately missed for years). There was also the compatibility issue. I'd swear, frequently, that we share a brain. The only thing lacking was a physical attraction. Should I have taken a pass for just that reason? These days, I wonder. I'm also baffled that my spouse, knowing how I feel, doesn't seem to want to bail.
   My guts are telling me that I'm ok where I am. That is to say, I was engaged once before and it never "felt right". I don't have that uneasy I-need-to-leave feeling I had back then. The problem is having the unmitigated gaul to want more when I have a lot already. Yes, I am that greedy, and stubborn, for that matter.
    A friend wisely advised me, given my utter lack of diplomacy, that I go at this from a health perspective. We know his job opening would be out faster than his obituary. There is also not enough vodka on earth to help me get our daughter through the teen years by myself. I need my spouse to live a long healthy life. So how do you talk to someone when you're as tactful as a brick? I'm open to suggestions, dear reader!

The teapot is boiling again!

  I may have mentioned this previously but we, as a couple, use a therapist. This has been going on for about a year now. Things have gotten better but I have zero patience and even less diplomatic skills. I may have mentioned that I'm a lot like my father in that I tend to keep things that bother me quiet until it finally explodes. I will admit that recently I've been stressed out and I know when that happens I get even more prickly than usual. When there's too much I can't control around me I can get overfocused on the piddly things I can.
   I believe this is only part of the problem. My spouse thinks it's the whole issue, or seems to, anyway. It reminds me of when a guy would blame something on your pms when in fact No, you're an asshole AND I happen to have my period. I believe that a lot of what's bugging me is, in fact, minor. My husband is an oblivious slob but still a good husband and father. While I see no reason to throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak, I could use to learn to ask for help Before said water boils over.
   Knowing that I'm dealing with someone who doesn't see a damn thing when it comes to mess should make it easier in a sense in that you know you need to tell them everything. That still gets old quick and the bad example it sets only further aggravates me. I will admit I could also probably use to chill out about the house, among other things. If you quote me in public, I'll deny it.
   His parents have been gone for years. I wish I could ask his mom if she taught him any life skills. Do we, as parents, create problems for other women to deal with later? Is this largely a problem with males? My spouse is better than my father was but I am still baffled by the high tolerance for crap everywhere. I joke the reason we don't have a pet is that I've barely got my husband house broken, much less a dog. I'm also lucky to be working part time, what happens if I start working full time?
   I understand why my mom was such a miserable person growing up. Marrying a slob and staying there had a lot to do with it. My parents didn't really have the physical end of things to deal with, either. What happens when only one of you cares about self maintenance? I am the victim of the "I'm  married, I can let myself go" mentality. Most likely, I'm in the minority here. I have a lot of friends who, one could argue, are proponents of this philosophy. My reasons for being into fitness run long and deep. I'm not expecting my husband to become something he never was, but I  am asking for a little more muscle tone than jello. How are the chores divided at your house?