And another thing!

    I mentioned previously that I was looking for something from my spouse that was a little better than feeling up a bowl of jello. Those who have seen my hubby would probably say he looks ok for a guy his age. He is not what I would call "fat as a house" but has a belly. So what's so wrong with that you superficial bastard? Well, yes, I  am, in fact, a superficial jerk but I have my reasons.
   First, I have always been a gym rat. The problem for me is that my husband could care less about fitness. He does care about sex. This is one problem for me in that while I know he is fond of my boobs, I'm not fond of his. I work hard to keep myself in some shred of shape and I get resentful that I'm the only one. I am not looking for Mister Universe, just respectable will do. It's almost impossible to feel like you want to snuggle with someone you don't want. I am not ready to give up on having a decent sex life while I still have a decent body.
   It's also a question of health. The more you move, the more you can move. I have no interest in becoming my husband's nurse because he refuses to take care of himself. I saw my Mom go through this with my Father and it's nothing I want any part of.  It's bad enough I do most of the cleaning up like she did.
   Then there is buyer's remorse, in a sense. My brain told me that this marriage would be a good thing for me. I married a person who loved me, was a good person, and made me feel wanted (something I had deperately missed for years). There was also the compatibility issue. I'd swear, frequently, that we share a brain. The only thing lacking was a physical attraction. Should I have taken a pass for just that reason? These days, I wonder. I'm also baffled that my spouse, knowing how I feel, doesn't seem to want to bail.
   My guts are telling me that I'm ok where I am. That is to say, I was engaged once before and it never "felt right". I don't have that uneasy I-need-to-leave feeling I had back then. The problem is having the unmitigated gaul to want more when I have a lot already. Yes, I am that greedy, and stubborn, for that matter.
    A friend wisely advised me, given my utter lack of diplomacy, that I go at this from a health perspective. We know his job opening would be out faster than his obituary. There is also not enough vodka on earth to help me get our daughter through the teen years by myself. I need my spouse to live a long healthy life. So how do you talk to someone when you're as tactful as a brick? I'm open to suggestions, dear reader!