Mommy lets go?

   This is apparently as tough a topic to write about as it is to actually do. Our little girl, who, as of this writing, is almost ten and way not little, is going away without us for the first time. My brain understands this is no big deal and if anything, cause to break out the wine! She has stayed overnight at mom mom's house before and the upcoming event in question is only an overnight trip, too. These trips are rare, though, so rare in fact, that it feels wierd falling asleep in a house without her home.
   I remember when she was an infant and my sister was still alive. My big sis had come by to spend time with her new niece and give us a break. I remember backing out of our driveway and looking back, not seeing a car seat, and wondering what was wrong. 'Is everyone wearing pants?' 'Holy crap, There's no car seat back there!' Fast forward, or blink, in my case, and our fifth grader is spending the night in another state with her older cousin and his girlfriend. It's not them I'm worried about. Once the initial, 'Praise God, we're free!' joy wears off, will I be able to relax? This is me, after all.
    Most things I worry about turn out just fine. I even have evidence written in my own hand, no less, in an old journal. Don't ask me why I have yet to stop worrying over things. I have yet to come up with an antidote for that. I'm not sure I'd recognize myself if I did manage to get a grip. Guilt would be another piece of baggage I'd like to lose. How dare you enjoy yourself as a parent without your offspring??!! It takes the assistance of that rare creature, the good babysitter. We've had rare sightings over the years but we have seen them. It's a short list of people we feel comfortable leaving our daughter with, and not just because our family is small.
   Epilogue: Not only did our girl have a blast with her cousin, but mommy and daddy had a wonderful beach day. I got to eat dinner without thinking about hot dogs or chicken fingers. Nobody got sunburned, and since the kids went to Hershey Park, they even brought back chocolate! This was almost like having another birthday!
It's too bad my nephew and his other half are both in grad school and living in Delaware. We won't be able to do this sort of thing often. The problem is that we need to do this more often. Sending her majesty away like that is too expensive to do regularly, of course, but I'd settle for a few hours to ourselves. We are accepting applications, any takers?
 

Neutral territory?

  I normally try to avoid anything political when I write. I'm currently running a bit low on ideas though. I'm not sure who originally said it so I'll credit my favorite, Robin Williams, who said politicians are like diapers and should be changed for the same reason. (Something to that effect - sorry Robin.) One of my love hate relationships is with Facebook. There's no other place I found that can make me laugh and feel completely inadequate so well. It is also lousy with politics.
    If you want to see venom, there's no shortage of it on line, and Oh, by the way, you're the problem.  The biggest thing I've noticed in that meme eat meme world is people attaching a lot of additional information about a person from the expression of one opinion. Now before you go assuming I think there is such a thing as a "nice white supremacist", let me explain. I am referring to people who have ended friendships simply because of politics. While one could argue that passion is not a bad thing, this country was founded so people could express differing opinions. Life is also much too short to cut out good people from your life for only one thing that you don't agree with.
   Without going into gory detail, I will tell you that I voted for neither Trump nor Hillary.  I will also say that while I have yet to be a fan of any president we've elected since I became mature enough to care, I particularly dislike the Orange One. There are pantloads of reasons but I can't  support any guy who has such a piss poor attitude toward women, especially as the mother of a daughter. I will leave it there.
   Now, I also have dear friends who actually voted for him and still would do so again. Regardless of how baffling I find this, these people are still very welcome in my home. This may be surprising to some but the reason they are still friends is that we simply agree to disagree. They have also have enough life experience and education to formulate reasonable arguments. Most likely, it's because we are older and prefer to focus what passion we can scrape up on other things, like our kids' choices and how in God's name do you leave your house and walk right past the wine you were going to bring?

The great outdoors?

  We are having quite a soggy summer so far. So far, our basement has survived. I expected much worse, to be honest. In previous years we've made good use of our shop vacs, and we weren't picking up legos. It's also a bit strange that so far this summer, my garden hasn't been producing much. I know I was late to the party in planting to begin with but as of this writing, it's late July and normally we would have stopped buying tomatoes. There's probably a shortage of bees, unless they're on vacation.
   We finally got some mulch down out front and a bunch of weeding done. We even trimmed our bushes out front within an inch of their lives and then another two inches. Any project in which nothing was killed works for me.  What's ironic about all this exterior maintenance crap is that we really don't use our exterior much.  You won't see our family on a Home Depot commercial any time soon.  We are a somewhat different demographic. I could see our ad . Home Depot, when you just need to keep the neighbors from calling the township!
   The problem with weeding is it's like fighting a wall of pudding. Those cloth "barriers" people sell only help slightly. New Jersey weeds are apparently made of tougher stuff.  I have a crap grass issue. The junk I'm trying to get rid of seems to be some sort of demonic cross between a magician's scarf and a fishnet. I can pull up one clump of this garbage and magically four other attached clumps appear.
   Another problem for me personally is all that goddamn nature outside. Those that know me are aware of what a bug wus I am. Since becoming a mom, I've  gotten better over the years. I don't even mind bees, provided they're the right kind. When it comes to bees, I am unabashedly racist. I don't mind the normal 'hey-I'm-pollinating-over-here' type. We understand each other. I leave them alone and they do likewise. What I hate are the 'Buicks-with-wings' that love my deck and hover two inches from my face. Whatever eats those, I want one for a pet.
   My area also seems to be lousy with bunnies. I also put a wall of wire around my tomato plants but so far the only thing it's been keeping out is me! My garden gnome is fired. When I say "gnome" I mean small statue of a T-rex eating gnomes. I think I should have gone with the prone gnome holding an AK 47 or at least Elmer Fudd. Are my bunnies from North Jersey? "Yeah, I got your gnome right here, lady!" I will be glad when fall arrives but I will miss Jersey tomatoes, assuming we get any!
 

Being a grown up

   Dear Diary, it appears I have let myself down. I took a job through a friend to help out at a small accounting office for tax season. I rejoined the dark side, just when I was hoping to get away. Even seasoned, published writers have told me not to quit my day job, not that I've had one lately. The problem is that neither has my spouse -had a job - that is. It's wearing on us, as a family because we are using too much of our savings. I'm not making enough money to live on, far from it, but I was hoping this would have helped out with groceries and gas.
  The position I took was an administrative assistant type of position answering phones, scheduling appointments, and scanning documents. I received 2 nasty emails from my boss within the first 5 part time days of me being there. How do you continue to work for someone who clearly doesn't want you there? It would appear that I'm not friendly enough on the phone, yet somehow too chatty off the phone. The only thing that seems to help is to acknowledge that the owner doesn't know what she wants from one day to the next and that anything I say can and will be misconstrued and used against me.
   Funny how I was told I need to be more professional by someone who has no problems sending rude emails to subordinates and handles questions from new hires like it's a royal pain! The question is whether or not I should stick with a job that is not worth the aggravation and stress to help someone who is not a good person. Would quitting send the wrong message to my daughter? Is it worth the time and gas when you don't want to stress over what may have imploded on you while you were gone?
     Well, it turns out the decision was made for me when my phone rang and her majesty decided that she did not want my services any more. That afternoon I met a friend for lunch and we toasted to the end of "shit jobs". I emailed my hours and have not heard back. We are assuming that if I get a check at all, it won't be correct.
   I mentioned that I was worried about the message I would send to my daughter if I quit this job (now hypothetically). A wise friend pointed out that tolerating poor treatment from other adults is the way wrong message to send to a girl! The fact that this was a business relationship didn't matter and he was right. I explained to her that while I didn't quit just because something was hard, the person I worked for did not behave the way a boss should and I wasn't sorry I lost this job. It's easy to forget how much a kid can puck up on when you are wrapped up in your own grown up issues.
   I try to see what I can learn from disasters like this and the first thing that springs to mind is to not bring in any more personal things than you can fit in your pockets. The other lesson is that sometimes, you need to fire your boss.  I just hope I get my mouse back.

Back to school for who?

  Let me begin this by reminding everyone out there of the old joke about parenthood. It's the toughest job you'll ever love. That is as true as breathing for me. It's all about the offspring. She has managed to permeate everything from our diet to vacations to my writing. This is par for the course and I am more than content with our lifestyle change. It has certainly challenged my creativity to say the least. I have had to find all sorts of ways to get cooperation out of a lot of stubborn on two legs. It adds to the fun  when you know damn well whose DNA you're dealing with and you did this to yourself on purpose.
    There is also an old commercial for office supplies that says "It's the most wonderful time of the year." They are referring to the "Back to school season" as retailers call it. What's also been very true for me is that my daughter is in school, but we're the ones getting educated.  This has been true on a lot of levels. The "season" with all of its sales reminds me a lot of how sugary breakfast cereals are marketed. Why does everything have to be new every fall? "Merchandising, where the real money is made!"  (Mel Brooks, I think, wrote that.) There's your answer.
   I'm late to the party on this, which is typical for me. Our daughter is now in 5th grade. When she was in preschool everything had to have Elmo on it. We are now almost out of Pokemon hell. This last phase had some staying power. My grown up brain however, keeps looking at a perfectly good backpack from last year and I can't grasp the necessity of spending money for a new one when this one still functions. Therein lies my problem. "Function" was never the issue. The "Logo" is no longer correct. The solution would be to stop buying crap with anything on it in the first place. Slowly, the coffee kicks in.
   I recall having gone through this when I would contemplate throwing a birthday party for her majesty. I realized that if I only bought a few things with this week's hot item plastered on them and just stuck to matching colors for the rest I was much better off. I was no longer stuck using leftover Lightning McQueen plates for grown up birthdays, not that my husband ever cared. It appears this concept has much broader applications than I thought. I am much happier saving money where I can at the beginning of the school year. It leaves more room in the budget for liquor store gift cards for her teachers by June. They're gonna need it.

The other addiction

  One of the biggest struggles I face as a mom is my little girl's addiction to video games. It takes a lot of effort to get her majesty to take a break once she gets started. Slowly, however, we are making small gains.  The other struggle I face is much sneakier and far more pervasive. I am referring to our family's love hate relationship with sugar. Video games have the benefit of being contained in a console or hand held. Sugar,the evil ninja bastard, hides in Doritos, ranch dressing, peanut butter, and the usual suspects we encounter every day.
    We are fortunate, as a family, that diabetes is not an issue. I am a big proponent of moderation but that's not easy to keep things down to a dull roar when your opponent is ubiquitous. My spouse is also in the process of losing weight. Diet sodas and artificial sweeteners are creeping into my kitchen. Normally, I'll  take all the help I can get but when it comes to those "packets" I'm not a believer in better living through chemistry. I have no idea what the long term impact of that crap is on the human body so oddly enough, diet cherry Pepsi is an occasional treat and for all I know, we consume too much of that.
   I happen to know they make this magical stuff called water that's cheap, good for you and doesn't stain if you spill it. How do you lead by example when you can't stand plain water yourself? You resort to soda, and by "soda" , I mean seltzer. We use the stuff to cut fruit juice and make powdered drinks. It is by no means a perfect solution but it helps. I haven't tried making fruit water for everyone yet. My gym bottle has crushed lime and ginger in it, maybe I should consider a larger volume?  I also find myself reading a lot of labels. Some granola bars can be just as bad as Pop Tarts. Yay marketing!
    Marketing, I believe, is also responsible for recruiting both other parents and my daughter's friends. Did you know the grade school lunch table is actually a minefield with uncomfortable seating? My daughter may see it as more like Wall Street, Oreos are worth way more than Apple slices on the trading floor. I have talked to her about what goes on and have been increasingly dismayed at what other people are sending their kids to school with for lunch. I'm guessing that since I have the luxury of being a stay at home mom, I can pack more healthy things. Adhd or not, my game plan is to get her more involved in packing her own lunch. So fellow parents, how goes the sugar fight at your house?
 

Superman misplaced his cape

      I am listening to my husband hunting for a job and reminding myself to keep my big beak out of it.  He is a bit older and quite a talker. My suspicion is that the unemployment is getting to him. There is no shortage of work to do around our house and I would love to see some of these things get fixed before we decide to move. The house should look good for us, too, not just prospective buyers.
    My problem is keeping my trap shut when he's on the phone with job prospects.  I have mentioned how it's a different job hunt now than it was even five years ago. It's  a struggle to watch from the sidelines when you think a loved one is under valued. What is he actually worth on today's job market? My belief that it's nowhere close to what I feel he should get, of course. There is such a thing as a "grey tax" which for me means that if you get the job at all, you will not be paid what you're worth. Why is experience valued so little? I'm sure he's still adjusting to this "new routine" and I don't expect him to be home for too long, but what if I'm wrong?
     Back in the ancient days when I was looking and dealing with those used car salesmen of the employment world, a new resume on line would attract headhunters like throwing chum in the water. Nowadays, he's chasing after them. Not only is there no such thing as a have-a-nice-life postcard, you don't even get the decency of an acknowledgement in most cases. The cover letter is also becoming passe. We dinosaurs are having trouble keeping up this short attention span world!
   We are seven weeks in, as of this writing, and my spouse is redefining antsy. I am more than happy to keep him busy, hey I'm here to help. That mulch out front was only about three years overdue, not that anyone noticed. We could even do something crazy like play hookie for a day. I'm wondering if either one of us would remember how.
   It would be wise to have some shred of a long term plan (while we're going nuts here) just in case this unemployment thing goes way longer than we think. I may end up going back to school sooner rather than later. My daughter's advice was to find something you like and you're good at, but who would pay me to eat chocolate?