Warning labels, please

  I've  noticed that there are plenty of books out there about parenthood. There's a whole series of what to expect books that warn people about what's coming their way. What I'm wondering about is what about being married, or even just living together? Did I miss that party? I'm a huge fan of self help books and at fifteen years in, I could still use a hand. It would have been nice to have some advanced warning before I took the plunge. There are plenty of books out there once you're knee deep or having clawed your way out but what about beforehand?
    I don't know if it would have made any difference for me personally but there are a few things I feel should be documented for when my daughter gets older. Being married gives you an immediate sneak peek at parenting. Those who have been with a grown man with a cold understand what I mean. One should also be on the lookout for signs of add or possibly "selective deafness".  Try to lose the word "should" from your vocabulary. I still struggle with this. Yes, men are obtuse creatures, yes, you do have to point out what "should" be obvious. Knowing this going in can help take the stress off.
   There is no guarantee that being aware of what you're dealing with makes it any less exhausting. You will also have to repeat yourself - a lot ( see selective deafness). Men, seemingly have a huge tolerance for dirt and chaos. It could be that we, as women. are finishing the job started by the moms of these once boys. In my case, I wonder what kind of, if any, job was done. I believe this is one of those compatibility items that got missed because we didn't live together before we married. This was frowned upon in my generation, but now I'm beginning to wonder if the "try before you buy" setup is really such a bad idea. I can only assume that's an individual preference thing.
   The best advice I ever received was from my mother, who, ironically, was unhappily married. She said, "What you see is what you get, and pretty much what you're going to get, for the rest of your life!"  It is true that people don't change much unless they want to, but they can be trained. Start with newspapers on the floor..... I'm kidding! What I really mean is that you need to get it clear in your head and heart what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. Herein lies the rub. There is a fine line between picking your battles and valuing yourself. I am finding as I get older that I can see what I need to let go of, but actually doing it is another matter.  The biggest question to answer, at least for me, is why is X so important? Is this helpful?
  If the answer is yes, it is very important to speak up, early and often!