The big block

    I'm here, attempting to write something because I know tomorrow is going to be nuts and I may not get a chance. The problem is I'm hopping like a frog on a hot stove and I find myself frequently sidetracked. You would think I'd be a little better able to keep up since I haven't been able to sleep in like I did over the Summer. I may have overbooked myself this time. Doing two classes when you haven't been in college in over 30 years is a lot to pull off. I'm still getting my legs under me. That is more of a process than I have patience for. It's the technology that's been the worst part so far. 

  I am slowly getting there, I just wish it wasn't so painful - and slow! I had to post a two minute video for a class the other day. It took me an hour and a half. I was ready to turn my new pc into a dammit doll. I have to acquire a habit of completing a covid 19 screening for my daughter online for every morning she goes into school. You get to learn all about new and different computer errors when you do this. So far, I've only had to sprint back to the house to do this once while she was on the bus. She's also forgotten her mask once too. We are lucky to live close to the bus stop. 

   It's also a bit odd that since I've finally committed myself and started school, I thought I would feel "employed" or "legitimately busy" in a sense. This still hasn't happened because I am not making any money. School needs to come first and I still can't seem to get off my own back. Did I mention a lack of patience? There is some bonus guilt over not substitute teaching yet, too. Must everything be tied to money? I get it that my kiddo doesn't need me as much as she used to but she still needs me some. I don't regret motherhood for a minute, but the pay sucks.

   It would behoove me to let a few things go in the whirl of all this busyness. I could use to let my kid fall flat on her face once in a while, for one thing. Valuing my own efforts would be another. I can't wait around for a cheering section to pop up, so I need to be my own. You go, me, yeah! Life goes on when I can't pull everything off in one day. Somehow we're all still alive. Not every job will involve money. The most important stuff doesn't, after all. What will people remember when they close the lid? I'm pretty sure it won't be my bank balance and I certainly won't be wishing I'd spent more time working. Let it go, mommy, you won't be able to hang onto it anyway!