The Dinosaur Blues

   If there were warnings, I'm sure I missed them. I think I even chose to ignore them, or at least didn't think about what they meant. It started about 6 months ago with storage space messages on my phone. Ok, I figured I'd better start clearing caches and deleting apps I don't use. I was able to continue to limp along for another few months without a problem. Then I noticed I couldn't really use Facebook. It would load, but you couldn't see anything further than one screen. No scrolling was possible. I waste too much time on there anyway, right? I just gave up using it on my phone. A small resentful seed was slowly growing in the back of my mind.
   That evil empire (fill-in-the-blank) cell phone company is trying to force me to get a new phone. Damn those bastards! I will resist! I happen to like my current phone. The biggest thing I like about it is the fact that it's not - big, that is. I already have a tablet, thank you and this phone fits in my pocket. I continued to limp along, deleting unnecessary photos and I figured as long as I can still make a call or get a text, I'm still good. I still had my bare minimum needed functions. Dinosaurs that we are, we try to get things repaired unless and until they are obviously and sometimes way beyond dead.
    Finding people who actually fix things in a throw away society, however, is becoming too much fun for humans.  I'm also convinced the profit on cell phones is huge so these creatures have a huge incentive to try to sell you a new phone. I have a very strong incentive NOT to buy one. I'm quite sure I will be told by representatives of the evil empire that my device is no longer supported by the manufacturer. I get the whole built in obsolescence thing but that doesn't mean I won't fight it. I have been trying to adhere to a get one good thing and keep it forever philosophy for larger ticket items, at least.
    My phone was currently at the point where you couldn't use it because it was choked with messages blocking the thing from functioning. I decided to research my issue and found other people who have had my problem. Lo and behold there are others who have dealt with this bologna but regrettably they have all had to wipe their devices memory. This was not looking good. It's funny to think that I grew up and survived college without a cell phone. Today, if I forget my device, it feels like I left the house without pants. Something is missing!

 

Today's rant

   It's roughly mid February in a wierdly mild winter. I have no shortage of things to do, as usual, despite not working today. It looks like I'm going to need a to do list to help me finally make some progress. I can't get jealous of other people's success if I'm not doing something to get myself moving. Hopefully seeing something on paper will make it easier to pick small things off. The list itself needs to be more than housework, though. Hanging onto the "process" part of things is hard. I'm impatient. I want to know what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Processes are messy and unpredictable.
   I hate that! What is this patience and where do I get some right now?! I'm  having a real problem letting go of looking for that angelically lit "Aha!" moment that tells me this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Getting comfortable with uncertainty is about as appealing as putting on a hair shirt. If I'm going to insist on being a control freak, I need a path to follow. If I can't find one, I'll make one instead (thank you Dr. Suess!). Making time to make a list seems to be an issue. Brainstorming without including housework may only yield a drizzle but I'll take what I can get. Breaking things down into tiny bits will help with giving me some shred of a sense of accomplishment, too. 

    Oddly enough, there are actually benefits to being in this position, if one is only able to see them. There are still times, for example, when my kiddo gets sick or has a school function. I still have the luxury of being there without the bonus hassle of worrying about a boss.
    The older she gets, of course, the more pressure I feel to do something to bring in some income. I recently picked up my first tutoring client. It's another new step in my process, which, God forbid, was a small something to be proud of. So, dear reader, what do you want to be when you grow up, and how do you eat your elephant?

Let It Be

   I've recently discovered this title isn't just a great Beatles song. Our circle of friends includes my husband's high school friend and his wife. They have a daughter the same age as ours. You would think that would be very handy, and for years it was. The girls played with each other at every gathering we had, it was great, built in entertainment! Enter the hormone fairy and that b**ch ruins everything. The girls are getting into the tween years and we are dealing with moodiness, to say the least.
   The last few times we had gotten the usual suspects together,  the girls barely said "boo" to each other. What's a mom to do? The short answer, as far as I can tell, would be to keep my big beak out of it. People of any age change as they get older, tweens seem to do it faster than tornadoes. I also can't force the kids to be friends per se. I was however, hoping they could manage to hang out together for a few hours. I have absolutely no time while I'm hosting a party to worry about her majesty's entertainment.
   We also have the issue of electronics manners, which, I admit, we need to work on. I am referring to pulling one's face out of the screen vortex long enough to be sociable. Some grownups also have this issue I know, but I try to model good behavior. One of the issues I've noticed we're lousy at is advanced preparation of our tech addicted kiddo. She has always had problems with transitions and remembering things. When you're dealing with a tween who's adhd you really need to write things down - on neon paper - in huge print - blinking if possible.

   It's a short attention span world and I'm fighting the screen addiction as hard as I fight  too much sugar. I'm having better luck on the sugar front. I've run into the problem of the fishpond we swim in. If I manage to get my kiddo off her screens for a while I run into plenty of other parents who don't. Too much screen time is especially bad for an adhd brain. I have to navigate other situations I never saw coming. If we're going to a party at someone else's house, is it okay to let our girl bring a device? We've considered it bad form unless I find out other kids who may be there have their screens! I tell my mom, "You old people had it so easy!".
    Some gatherings are better than others and I am wondering if maybe some generic written warning might be a good idea. If I have something laying around before I need it, that may help. I just need to find paper that blinks!

Is it McTax time?

   It's funny how a New Year hasn't done much to change the same old problems. Happy birthday to my midlife crisis. Those that know me are aware that I have a background as a C.P.A. but I've recently been substitute teaching for my daughter's district. It's been good for feeling useful and bringing in a couple of bucks. As we enter the season of jingle bills, however, I am feeling the need to up my income. Since we can always count on death and taxes and morticians sound like even less fun than accountants, I'm going back to taxation (or at least trying).
  So far my efforts have been yielding precisely bupkus. My old coonections in the accounting world are apparently past ancient. This appears to be a question of commitment and managing expectations. Mommy articles will mention that when you first become a parent it's important to keep your hand in your old profession so you're not "stale" when you choose to return. What they don't mention is what to do if you weren't really interested in returning to said "old profession". I believe I also don't recall reading anything about being blindsided by a death in the family or having an infant with "failure to thrive" problems in the first year either.
    Once again, I am late to the party. What I was hoping for was to find was a small independent C.P.A. firm willing to hire a mom on a part time basis to help me bring in a few bucks and still let me get out in time to pick up my daughter from school. The problem was I managed to flounder through November and December just substitute teaching.  I was supposed to be launching a full court press to find something for mid February.
   This effort, such as it was, flopped. I tried to research H&R Block. I found out that you had to pay for their training, which I deeply resented (the paying part, not the training). I was able to stop by a local office and speak to a human. While they did say you had to pay for training, there was an exam you could take and weasel out of said training. I tried the exam and while I didn't pass, I was happy that someone at least told me about the opportunity. Job hunting is lonely and frustrating in that you get nothing in the way of responses and it feels a bit isolating.
    So here I am, somewhat whiney and underemployed. I need to remember that there's still a difference between underemployed and completely unemployed. I do not plan on giving up. We can't afford that. Cussing a lot, however, self pity, and wine, as well as whine are still on the list so far. Is there a normal time allotment for wallowing? I'll see if I can fit some gratitude in there, too.

   Plot twist/update: I've decided to"splurge" on the H&R Block class and grad school because nothing goes better with under employment than spending big bucks. Stay tuned!

Tempus needs to stop

  It's approaching Thanksgiving, as of this writing. Forget how fast the year is flying by, my morning just flew by in a sneeze. It's going to take one concerted effort on my part to be here now, as they say. I keep picturing claw marks as I'm inexorably dragged through my holiday season. I 'm not ready yet! I promised myself last year I would have started cards or shopping or cookie dough by now. I'm a filthy liar and gullible as hell because last year, I believed me!
   The mission, it seems, is to let go of what does or doesn't get done and just enjoy. Maybe I should just settle for leaping over tall buildings in a single bound.  I could just start small and focus on ten minute bursts. The problem is that I'm not having much luck with that either. I've been trying to meditate for over a year now and I think I've managed a whole three minutes in one shot. I blame the house and my older brain. Old habits die hard is another understatement for the ages.
   'Focus on your breath', my tablet says. 'What do I have to get done today?' said the brain. 'Scan the body and notice how the body feels.' says the meditation app. 'Is it too early for winter skin? Why am I so itchy?'....and so it goes. If I could blindfold and gag my brain maybe I'd get somewhere.
   My love hate relationship with Facebook continues. I have plenty of friends who are actually pulling off the whole "doing festive things". I am still baffled by where are they getting the money for this and how the hell do you remember to take a picture and post it?! My daughter is the most well documented kid on the planet. Mommy and Daddy, not so much. I'd have to ask my spouse how he feels about the lack of adult pictures. There was that one time someone mistook my husband for my Father! We were out having dinner with his family and I laughed my *ss off. I can only assume he's not that sorry about the lack of photographic evidence.

My how things have changed!

   Dear reader I must thank you for sticking with me through my mid life crisis. It is November as of this writing. I am trying to plan my winter. I recently began substitute teaching for my daughter's district. The commute is great, the people are nice, the facilities are ok but the pay is underwhelming. I am reminded of a sign I saw in one of the classrooms lately that said "I became a teacher for the money and fame." My previous profession paid way more and meant way less. That's probably the biggest reason I'm reluctant to let go of it completely, well ok the money and me killing myself to pass the CPA exam.
   I have put some feelers out to old contacts to see if there were any opportunities for some part time tax work this winter. So far crickets are chirping.  This is the time of year CPA firms staff up for year end. Admittedly, I could go to the "H" place but I am less than thrilled with paying for training. I've already had to do that once, which wasn't reallly training and was rude enough for one time. This "training" also does not guarantee a job. Should you get said job you may be required to sell additional products like refund anticipation loans. I would rather try to sell a flaming bag of dog poop.   
    What's the problem? I am a lousy salesman period. These loans also bug me for several reasons. They prey on people who can't manage their money. The goal of any tax return, from an accountant's perspective, is to break even. Unless it's the only way you can save, you're giving the government an interest free loan for a year.' We can get you a huge refund' can translate into 'we can make sure you're overpaid into the system'! Let's not lose sight of the fact that this is your money. I believe that one is also highly encouraged to sell 'second loooks' at previously filed returns.
    The other fun problem to cope with is flexibility. While my daughter is older, she still needs a grown up around. Someone has to drive her to and from school and make sure the homework gets done. Whatever job I end up with needs to wrap up in time for me to get my daughter. I'm hoping that I would have better luck with a small, independent CPA firm rather than a retail outlet style place. There is also a possibility of additional work after the end of tax season for extensions and bookkeeping clients. Substitute teaching is helpful for nine months but I'm still on the prowl for additional sheckels.  The hunt continues. 

   Here's a fun update! One year later, my kiddo needs to catch a bus 2 days a week and work virtually, the other 3. I am now in grad school because nothing goes better with unemployment than massive debt. (Just kidding, we're paying as I go.) I actually decided to try the "H place" as I call it. The current plan is to try it and see. If it's a horrendous nightmare, I work long enough to recoup my training costs and gtfo. I am still on the list for substitute teaching although I have no idea when I'm going to fit it in. This promises to be an interesting fall. Stay tuned.

Tempus fugit rant number 673

   We have just survived Halloween as of this writing and already I am dreading winter. The retail tradition of the extended Christmas money grab is annoying to be sure but I admit, in a way, I need it. I have a bizarre relationship with time. I procrastinate when it comes to preparing for holidays and yet my wierdass brain dreads the post holiday let down. Granted, unless you live at a posh ski resort or have rampant hot flashes, who in their right mind looks forward to the bleak days of winter?
    I use the annoying sales gimmicks to help me get some things done ahead of time, however small. It also helps extend the holiday season that seems to fly by too quickly for my liking. The Fall is tough to enjoy because I am loath to let go of the Summer and Summer does tend to hang around. It's hard to enjoy a season that's about ten minutes long. That's barely long enough for me to pull my head out of my ass and realize we should hit a pumpkin patch. Whaddya mean it's getting late?! I still haven't put away the summer clothes! Another season screwed over by tempus fugit.
   This particular Fall I chose to stretch out Halloween a bit. I like leaving decorations up for about a week after a holiday. Christmas decorations stay out longer to stave off me admitting it's winter and I'm out of holidays for a while. It also takes a while to put that stuff away because there's a lot of it. I don't do much around the house for the Spring and Summer holidays, just Halloween and Christmas, with only half as much spooky crap as the yuletide junk. It's funny to think that some of the leftover candy from one holiday finds it's way into the next holiday's cookies! There's a stretch for you!
   In some ways, it's a fight to get my seasonal timing right. God forbid I try to enjoy one thing at a time. By the time I master the art of living in the moment, I will most likely be out of them and they'll be closing the lid.