I managed, over the weekend, to come up with a list of targets for my job hunt. It wasn't easy since I had to pull out of the internet wormhole known as work from home jobs. There are still some of "those sites" on my list but it's easier to check an item off a list rather than aimless floundering. I'm working on my "second twenty". Since it's easier to eat your elephant one bite at a time, I chopped my job hunt into segments of applications. My guess is that it's going to take up to 100 applications for me to find something and so far I'm 20 percent there. I hope 100 will be enough but at a minimum I know I'll feel like I've made a good effort.
It really is a full time job to look for work and I find the discipline part of it to be a real struggle. I am constantly reminding myself that even just looking counts.putting it mildly, this is a way no fun experience. The question is why? The jobs themselves don't seem that appealing and the ones that do, wouldn't hire me because I'm either too old or not qualified. If I'm having this much fun with part time hourly crap, it's no wonder my middle aged spouse is going nuts. I haven't been too fussy with my search criteria - or at least I didn't think so. I've applied for other jobs besides mattress tester at $40 an hour, after all.
I admit I'm having a problem discussing this with my spouse, though. He's supported us for years with me being home. Other people would have been way more obnoxious about me being a full time mom. When I brought up the idea of me getting a job, he would always tell me he wants me to find something I like. Putting it mildly, I feel really wierd about asking him to consider something like a sales job.
I'm also discovering that a lot of the websites I am using to conduct my search are trying to sell me subscriptions. Hellooooooo, since when do unemployed humans have money for subscriptions?! It feels a lot like going to a bank to ask for a loan and the first question they ask is 'Do you have any money?'. The stressful part (or one streesful part) is that if one of us has to go back to school, how do we pay for it? Should I consider janitorial work (paid -that is) ? This whole thing is enough to make my head explode but then, someone would have to clean up the mess. Stay tuned.....
Friday, October 25, 2019
Monday, October 14, 2019
Another new project or Rubber Ducky - The Musical
Those that know us as a family, know that I am the proud mom of an adhd kiddo. We have been seeing a therapist to help us with all sorts of problems like the electronics addiction, bedtime routines, and helping our daughter when she gets upset. My spouse was less than enthusiastic about going and doesn't really believe in therapists generally but he does go and is willing, when harassed, to put the advice we get into practice. Some ideas work better than others, of course, but this is no exact science, this is parenthood. Our latest adventure was in the bathtub.
This particular voyage encountered rough seas when we received our water bill. It was definitely an attention getting figure, to quote my spouse "You'd think we still had our pool!". Thus we began to look at our water use. It is well known that my lovely, brilliant daughter is not famous for her attention span. This is a very pervasive problem. I will frequently find her on her bed, reading when she's supposed to be getting ready for a shower. Once she finally gets in there, she would spend most of the time singing into the shower head, putting on a rubber duck musical, or wiping down the glass doors with body wash!
I had been trying to think of a "something " we could use in the shower to fix the problem but I was a bit stuck. Our therapist helped me to put the idea into more concrete terms and helped us to come up with a plan to get our little squirrel to focus and stay on task. We had tried phone timers but with only limited success. The next idea was to give her majesty a hard candy to suck on while she's showering and when it was done, so was she. This helped a little. The best idea so far, for us, has been the waterproof picture.
My friends know I have a voice for accounting, my artistic skills are a close second. I tried to draw a front and back picture of a general human figure and regrettably, that was just what it looked like. My husband went online and found a good picture that didn't look like a medical textbook and printed it for me. I wanted to make it look a bit less like a chalk outline so I decided to change the head to a picture of a character from one of our daughter's favorite video games. I'm no expert on copyright laws but I'm glad this thing isn't leaving our bathroom.
Once I had our segmented body, freakishly large head and all, taped together and cut out, we took it to Staples and got it laminated. Unfortunately, now when you take a shower, there is a segmented body hanging there, staring at you, waiting for you to wash something and turn a piece over. I think I'll start with the head. The things we do for love!
This particular voyage encountered rough seas when we received our water bill. It was definitely an attention getting figure, to quote my spouse "You'd think we still had our pool!". Thus we began to look at our water use. It is well known that my lovely, brilliant daughter is not famous for her attention span. This is a very pervasive problem. I will frequently find her on her bed, reading when she's supposed to be getting ready for a shower. Once she finally gets in there, she would spend most of the time singing into the shower head, putting on a rubber duck musical, or wiping down the glass doors with body wash!
I had been trying to think of a "something " we could use in the shower to fix the problem but I was a bit stuck. Our therapist helped me to put the idea into more concrete terms and helped us to come up with a plan to get our little squirrel to focus and stay on task. We had tried phone timers but with only limited success. The next idea was to give her majesty a hard candy to suck on while she's showering and when it was done, so was she. This helped a little. The best idea so far, for us, has been the waterproof picture.
My friends know I have a voice for accounting, my artistic skills are a close second. I tried to draw a front and back picture of a general human figure and regrettably, that was just what it looked like. My husband went online and found a good picture that didn't look like a medical textbook and printed it for me. I wanted to make it look a bit less like a chalk outline so I decided to change the head to a picture of a character from one of our daughter's favorite video games. I'm no expert on copyright laws but I'm glad this thing isn't leaving our bathroom.
Once I had our segmented body, freakishly large head and all, taped together and cut out, we took it to Staples and got it laminated. Unfortunately, now when you take a shower, there is a segmented body hanging there, staring at you, waiting for you to wash something and turn a piece over. I think I'll start with the head. The things we do for love!
Friday, October 4, 2019
My Brain Needs a Hobby
I'm overdue for a humorous post but it feels like my tank is empty. It's February, as of this writing, in 2019. I've said that after 2018 we've had no where to go but up. Two months into the new year have left me unimpressed. We are both unemployed and with no income coming in, things have been getting difficult. I tried a part time job that flopped and if ever there was a time when my mid life crisis was in my face, it's now. I have plans to find a career counselor to help me plan my second act but now I'm concerned about how much it will cost.
We have never been the paycheck to paycheck type of family and that's been really helpful to us, especially now. The problem is the whole business of the job hunt dragging on for so long. We have used up way more of our savings than I would like and I'm having trouble scraping up job leads. Things have been quiet for my spouse, too and putting it mildly, we're both getting impatient. It's hard having faith that things will work out for the best after this much time has gone by. My brain knows that after you've done everything you can, it's in God's hands, but my heart was never the faithful type.
It is tougher to see the enjoyable parts of this as time goes on. I know things could turn on a dime and there are parts of this I will even miss. I will look back on this time and be glad we got a few things done around the house. Truthfully, I was hoping to do a little better than that. We have no catastrophic illness to deal with, thankfully, only each other. Oddly enough, this has been both our biggest problem and opportunity. We've managed to sneak out to a grown up movie once or twice but with money being so tight we could use to find more ways to bring us closer together on the cheap.
I'm rather disinclined to go shopping these days, unless it's a thrift store or a flea market and it's not really my spouse's favorite activity. That leaves movies at home, video games and non g rated things I won't get into here. I suppose we could try cooking together as long as everyone's in a good mood before they pick up anything sharp. It occurred to me that I may be able to talk him into a puzzle or board game now and then. It also occurred to me that I should be asking him for some ideas and while I'm at it, how about you, dear reader? What do you do with your spouse?
We have never been the paycheck to paycheck type of family and that's been really helpful to us, especially now. The problem is the whole business of the job hunt dragging on for so long. We have used up way more of our savings than I would like and I'm having trouble scraping up job leads. Things have been quiet for my spouse, too and putting it mildly, we're both getting impatient. It's hard having faith that things will work out for the best after this much time has gone by. My brain knows that after you've done everything you can, it's in God's hands, but my heart was never the faithful type.
It is tougher to see the enjoyable parts of this as time goes on. I know things could turn on a dime and there are parts of this I will even miss. I will look back on this time and be glad we got a few things done around the house. Truthfully, I was hoping to do a little better than that. We have no catastrophic illness to deal with, thankfully, only each other. Oddly enough, this has been both our biggest problem and opportunity. We've managed to sneak out to a grown up movie once or twice but with money being so tight we could use to find more ways to bring us closer together on the cheap.
I'm rather disinclined to go shopping these days, unless it's a thrift store or a flea market and it's not really my spouse's favorite activity. That leaves movies at home, video games and non g rated things I won't get into here. I suppose we could try cooking together as long as everyone's in a good mood before they pick up anything sharp. It occurred to me that I may be able to talk him into a puzzle or board game now and then. It also occurred to me that I should be asking him for some ideas and while I'm at it, how about you, dear reader? What do you do with your spouse?
Friday, September 20, 2019
The loss
I had a funeral recently. I'm not sure what it is about winter but if you know someone who may 'leave the building', there's a good chance they're going to do it around the holidays. Luckily, for lack of a better word, my friend got to spend one last Christmas with his family. We are at the age where a lot of our friends will be burying their parents. We are in the 'You're Next!' generation. This particular person was a well loved instructor at my dojang and I trained with his daughter and her kids, too.
If it could be said there was such a thing as a "great funeral", this was definitely one of them. There were an unbelievable amount of pictures from his life, from baby pictures and newspaper clippings to military photos. I learned he was a paratrooper, a bronze star recipient, and a Vietnam veteran. Funny how someone I knew as being a cuddly loveable old guy was one badass in his youth. Very few people knew about this side of him, it turns out. It was a military funeral with a salute and a flag draped coffin. We were warned there would be gunfire but it still startled me.
There was a well deserved police escort from the funeral home to the cemetary, too. This was another first for me. It was also packed and it wasn't just because he had a large family. I found myself jealous wondering if my funeral would come anywhere close. My life, to date, hasn't exactly been lived in the service of my community and country. Our family is also really small.
He was an instructor at my karate school and a walking wealth of information. I wish more people would write books about their lives. The knowledge loss was almost as big as the personal. He was never one to complain, no matter how he felt and he was always willing to help people learn things. It stinks when you get used to seeing a person and you get "too comfortable". It was hard for me to go to class before but I always looked forward to seeing him. Now, it's almost impossible. I miss the elephant that's no longer in the room. The saving grace is that we are all in the same boat.
We learned a lot of new things about someone we saw on a regular basis, but the biggest lesson we all learned was humility.
If it could be said there was such a thing as a "great funeral", this was definitely one of them. There were an unbelievable amount of pictures from his life, from baby pictures and newspaper clippings to military photos. I learned he was a paratrooper, a bronze star recipient, and a Vietnam veteran. Funny how someone I knew as being a cuddly loveable old guy was one badass in his youth. Very few people knew about this side of him, it turns out. It was a military funeral with a salute and a flag draped coffin. We were warned there would be gunfire but it still startled me.
There was a well deserved police escort from the funeral home to the cemetary, too. This was another first for me. It was also packed and it wasn't just because he had a large family. I found myself jealous wondering if my funeral would come anywhere close. My life, to date, hasn't exactly been lived in the service of my community and country. Our family is also really small.
He was an instructor at my karate school and a walking wealth of information. I wish more people would write books about their lives. The knowledge loss was almost as big as the personal. He was never one to complain, no matter how he felt and he was always willing to help people learn things. It stinks when you get used to seeing a person and you get "too comfortable". It was hard for me to go to class before but I always looked forward to seeing him. Now, it's almost impossible. I miss the elephant that's no longer in the room. The saving grace is that we are all in the same boat.
We learned a lot of new things about someone we saw on a regular basis, but the biggest lesson we all learned was humility.
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
The End of an Era?
It is mid January, as of this writing, and so far, I'm not impressed. There has been one small improvement for me so far. A good friend introduced me to her boss who agreed to give me some part time work during tax season. Technically, I should be happy about this. We've had nothing coming in money wise for the past seven months so how about a little gratitude? I will freely admit to some whining, after all, isn't that what blogging is for? My biggest whine is that God forbid I find something close to my house. The other whine is that I was told I may have to attend a lunch meeting at a nice local restaurant. Wait, what??!! This is a problem??!!
It is, in a way, but mostly, it's my problem. The opportunity to resolve or get rid of old baggage is here. O Goody, I love facing down old crap that I can't fix by punching people! That whole violence thing feels good but not only doesn't solve anything, it gets expensive. Ok, my ancient problem began with my last part time job ending. There was a woman who thought she was my boss although this was never made clear to me. My real boss had the people skills of a shoe and refused to investigate when she began to badmouth me.
The error here is mine in that I should have taken steps to correct the issue when it happened, for whatever good it may have done me at the time. The other error, or more accurately, defect, is my hanging onto this pain/irritation/annoyance for years. I read somewhere once that anger is like fire, it hurts the one who holds it. Clearly, these people could care less about how they behaved, so why do I? My brain insists on hanging onto this baggage like an irrational pit bull. What am I getting out of it?
Most importantly, why should I be the one to feel awkward if I should see said backstabber from the past at this lunch meeting? I keep trying to tell myself that karma takes care of people like that but I have an enormous list of people that karma forgot. Middle fingers at a networking event are considered bad P.R. and I'm pretty sure my new boss doesn't deserve that. A friend suggested that while I will probably see that creature I should try to focus on possibly meeting a good person there. My spouse brought up an even crazier idea, what if I end up liking this job? Imagine me, dear reader, taking a turn for the positive, how crazy is that?
Prologue: In a shocking turn of events this job didn't work out. It's now the following Summer and I have become a substitute teacher. More rants to follow.
It is, in a way, but mostly, it's my problem. The opportunity to resolve or get rid of old baggage is here. O Goody, I love facing down old crap that I can't fix by punching people! That whole violence thing feels good but not only doesn't solve anything, it gets expensive. Ok, my ancient problem began with my last part time job ending. There was a woman who thought she was my boss although this was never made clear to me. My real boss had the people skills of a shoe and refused to investigate when she began to badmouth me.
The error here is mine in that I should have taken steps to correct the issue when it happened, for whatever good it may have done me at the time. The other error, or more accurately, defect, is my hanging onto this pain/irritation/annoyance for years. I read somewhere once that anger is like fire, it hurts the one who holds it. Clearly, these people could care less about how they behaved, so why do I? My brain insists on hanging onto this baggage like an irrational pit bull. What am I getting out of it?
Most importantly, why should I be the one to feel awkward if I should see said backstabber from the past at this lunch meeting? I keep trying to tell myself that karma takes care of people like that but I have an enormous list of people that karma forgot. Middle fingers at a networking event are considered bad P.R. and I'm pretty sure my new boss doesn't deserve that. A friend suggested that while I will probably see that creature I should try to focus on possibly meeting a good person there. My spouse brought up an even crazier idea, what if I end up liking this job? Imagine me, dear reader, taking a turn for the positive, how crazy is that?
Prologue: In a shocking turn of events this job didn't work out. It's now the following Summer and I have become a substitute teacher. More rants to follow.
Friday, August 16, 2019
The family GPS falls flat on her face
I am the mom, a veritable hat rack of roles around here, most notably the family gps. "Mom!, where's my noun of the day ?" "Have you seen my noun of the day ?" You get the idea. In fact, I've ranted about this before. So what's different this time? Well, recently we learned another valuable lesson as parents. Do NOT trust your ADHD 10 year old with anything small and expensive. This week's lost item is a video game that Mommy (vicious creature that I am) refuses to replace.
Herein lies the rub, Dad and I were the geniuses who gave our girl said small and expensive item so we bear some responsibility. What I struggle with is the ADHD piece of the puzzle. It is only an explanation of how her majesty's brain works, not carte blanche to be irresponsible as hell because Mom and Dad will fix it.
The bonus wrinkle here for us, at least, is the fact that we only have one child. You parents of multiples are my heroes. I used to find it funny when my daughter would say "Look at me." Who else do we look at???!! but I digress. This comes down to picking our battles. I have no problem, generally, letting our little princess fall flat on her face, I've even been known to point and laugh. The question is how hard do we let her fall? Just to get things even hairier let's throw in the Daddy to the rescue problem. I mentioned I have no problem watching our kiddo fail, Daddy, however, is another matter.
My spouse is well aware of his inherent weakness when it comes to our little princess. It's often my job (besides maid, vegetable gestapo, and general fun killer) to remind him that we are not doing her any favors here. The likelihood of her growing up to be a major crime boss with a staff of "fixers" is right up there with us hitting the lottery. She is book smart, but evil, world domination clever, not so much. This kid has only recently accepted the fact that there is a need for deodorant.
I am ok with and love my late bloomer, I just hope she gets her petals banged up a bit in the process.
Herein lies the rub, Dad and I were the geniuses who gave our girl said small and expensive item so we bear some responsibility. What I struggle with is the ADHD piece of the puzzle. It is only an explanation of how her majesty's brain works, not carte blanche to be irresponsible as hell because Mom and Dad will fix it.
The bonus wrinkle here for us, at least, is the fact that we only have one child. You parents of multiples are my heroes. I used to find it funny when my daughter would say "Look at me." Who else do we look at???!! but I digress. This comes down to picking our battles. I have no problem, generally, letting our little princess fall flat on her face, I've even been known to point and laugh. The question is how hard do we let her fall? Just to get things even hairier let's throw in the Daddy to the rescue problem. I mentioned I have no problem watching our kiddo fail, Daddy, however, is another matter.
My spouse is well aware of his inherent weakness when it comes to our little princess. It's often my job (besides maid, vegetable gestapo, and general fun killer) to remind him that we are not doing her any favors here. The likelihood of her growing up to be a major crime boss with a staff of "fixers" is right up there with us hitting the lottery. She is book smart, but evil, world domination clever, not so much. This kid has only recently accepted the fact that there is a need for deodorant.
I am ok with and love my late bloomer, I just hope she gets her petals banged up a bit in the process.
Friday, August 2, 2019
New Year Old Problem
It's the New Year, Yay! Out with the old, in with the new and all that crap! I am, as of this writing, the same bummed out grump I was last year this time. The holidays being over always get to me. I should take a page from the Retail industry and look for the next holiday. The trouble is, I can't find one, or not a big one. There are plenty of smaller things coming up for me to focus on but none of them are much fun. Considering the fact that after 2018, we have no where to go but up, I should be able to scrape up some hopeful enthusiasm for the New Year, right?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that we, as a family, are feeling a little beat up from last year. It could be that the last few months of the year flew by in such a blur that I feel like I didn't get a chance to really enjoy them. Being surrounded by reminders like large trees and house lights takes up a lot of space in our small house and when they're gone, the place can really feel empty. Add Winter, not much else holiday wise, tax filing and unemployment and you've got a basic recipe for depression.
The question becomes what to do about it? The answer, regrettably didn't change from last year. When I can't find a holiday, I'll make one instead. (Thank you, Dr. Suess!) Enter, oddly enough, football season. Those that know me know I am no football fan. I am, however, a fan of getting our group of usual suspects together for a party. It also forces me to keep our house clean (reasonably). Wine notwithstanding, the big thing I enjoy about our gatherings is the opportunity to play games. It's the only time I get to use the adult card games that otherwise sit in our basement. We, as a group, are far from serious and there hasn't been a game yet in which at least one of us laughed so hard we couldn't breathe.
It may or may not help to remember that since Christmas managed to sneak up on me, I'm sure summer will, too. I seem to have a problem with trying to plan ahead versus living in the present moment. Right now, however, I'm having a problem scraping up any enthusiasm for either. It looks like I'm going to have to fake it till I make it. It would just be nice if that weren't the story of my life! Happy Winter, everyone!
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that we, as a family, are feeling a little beat up from last year. It could be that the last few months of the year flew by in such a blur that I feel like I didn't get a chance to really enjoy them. Being surrounded by reminders like large trees and house lights takes up a lot of space in our small house and when they're gone, the place can really feel empty. Add Winter, not much else holiday wise, tax filing and unemployment and you've got a basic recipe for depression.
The question becomes what to do about it? The answer, regrettably didn't change from last year. When I can't find a holiday, I'll make one instead. (Thank you, Dr. Suess!) Enter, oddly enough, football season. Those that know me know I am no football fan. I am, however, a fan of getting our group of usual suspects together for a party. It also forces me to keep our house clean (reasonably). Wine notwithstanding, the big thing I enjoy about our gatherings is the opportunity to play games. It's the only time I get to use the adult card games that otherwise sit in our basement. We, as a group, are far from serious and there hasn't been a game yet in which at least one of us laughed so hard we couldn't breathe.
It may or may not help to remember that since Christmas managed to sneak up on me, I'm sure summer will, too. I seem to have a problem with trying to plan ahead versus living in the present moment. Right now, however, I'm having a problem scraping up any enthusiasm for either. It looks like I'm going to have to fake it till I make it. It would just be nice if that weren't the story of my life! Happy Winter, everyone!
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