Trapped!

   What do you do when you want to run away from home during a global pandemic? I've wanted to escape before this started but now it's worse. Our house is way too small for three people and so is my marriage. Home workouts and alcohol aren't quite cutting it. I need a plan. Since this could take years, (my plan, not the pandemic) the sooner I start the better. People say the grass is always greener and I know I do run that risk so I'm feeling forced not to rush. There is also a lot to consider. I currently have no income of my own. There's not a whole lot I can do, as a practical matter, until that changes.
    The plan, at the moment, involves yours truly going back to school. What for? Therein lies the rub. I need to find something for which there will be a market while at the same time be enjoyable, or at least pleasant. How's that for chutzpah? The bonus question of who's going to pay for this adventure remains to be seen. I'm hoping to be seen as a walking tax credit or possible grant recipient sine I'm a career transitioning fifty something female. I have some research to do there. Since earth ssems to be resorting to doing everything online, pursuing a master's degree shouldn't change my schedule much.
    This will be an adjustment nonetheless. I took one college course in Grant writing from Camden County College a while ago and I was surprised to find out how much work was involved. Luckily, this course had no exams! Eating youe elephant one bite at a time should be a way of life by now but somehow I still find myself in need of constant reminders. I'm sure underemployment will end up being a blessing, too. There's a reason this will take years, not to mention the cash flow issue I'll have to manage. The slower the outflow, the better for us as a household.
   I find myself on the verge of a new adventure. Somebody get me some courage!
   

Fighting the good fight

    The announcement came and it wasn't much of a surprise. Online learning will be continued indefinitely. Honestly, I was hoping the powers that be would take this two weeks at a time. I'm trying to hang onto a little hope here! Getting comfortable with uncertainty is not my forte. If I cannot find a routine, I'll make one instead. Funny to think the routine would consist of making a list of things that will change every day.
   I'm losing track of what day it is and we are a little over two weeks into a shelter in place order! I can try to steal other peoples ideas although I admit it doesn't help on the depression front. Reading about other people's kids playing board games, doing chores, reading, and learning life skills isn't helping. I live with video game and screen addicts who have gotten way too accustomed to having mom around. I have managed to drag people out for some walks and an occasional board or card game.
    Luckily, I've still managed to enforce flute practice on a regular basis.
   Not having a routine is becoming increasingly stressful without the gyms. I took off for the first two weeks but that was really tough. You really appreciate the old routines when they're verboten. I could also use to start looking at some tang soo do videos to remember my hyungs so when I finally do get back it won't be so bad. I was getting stir crazy after three days, now it's just management. I'm happy I found the online exercise classes and now it looks like I'm getting dragged into the world of virtual meetings. My mom, of all people, has decided we need to try it.
    This whole quarantine thing is certainly producing some strange surprises. It's both comforting and annoying to have my spouse work from home every day, for example. My daughter is also, shockingly showing some initiative by occasionally getting up before me to start her schoolwork. I recently pulled out a waffle iron we got as a wedding gift and used it for the first time! Wearing masks in public, I thought, was taking things a bit too far. Now, it seems, the CDC may soon start endorsing the idea. It feels like I'm living a meme. Things couldn't get any wierder! How fucking wrong I was!!
   

Off Like a Herd of Turtles

   Hopefully, I will never see anything like this is my lifetime again. We are in what has been called a "global pandemic" and the government has requested the state to "shelter in place". I am learning that this means you are trapped like a rat in your house unless you need food or medical care. My gyms have been closed as well as my daughter's school. My husband is also working from home. I am in week two, at this writing and I can only wonder how long this is going to drag on. I am having trouble figuring out what day it is. Old beasties are starting to rear their ugly heads, too.
    When I had a routine that involved leaving the house, I was always late. Now that I'm home, I'm still late! I'm getting a later start since school is closed but I'm also finding that getting my ass in gear is taking forever. I'm turning into my daughter!   I never thought I'd have to make this much uncertainty part of a normal way of life. I thought I was floundering before.
    All this staying home is definitely getting to me. Maybe it's a lack of vitamin D, or lack of routine that's really making things difficult. The old beasts are definitely back because I don't have much room and even less equipment to work out with. I am seriously considering trying an online class just to do something. I've been dealing with a bad back for a few years now. Part of avoiding scary treatments like needles or surgery involves a lot of stretching. Some rude sit ups, push ups, and most recently squats have been added to help keep my sanity and my shape.
   Recent weather hasn't been the greatest for getting out for a walk but I've managed to drag my family out anyway. The fresh air and vitamin D is probably helping or at least keeping things from getting worse. I suppose I should be grateful I haven't resorted to excessive baking. I have managed to do some unusual things like make waffles for the first time in decades. Perhaps the best way to survive this is to look for bright spots. Hopefully they'll be carbohydrate free.

Truth In The Media and Other Mythical Creatures

    Those that know me know I shy away from politics as much as I can manage. Regrettably, the current times have gotten "Chinese curse" interesting and I admit I'm low on blog ideas today. It's mid January 2021 at this writing. Roughly one week ago, our Presidential election results were certified by Congress. That day President Trump gave a speech, people stormed the Capitol, and people died. Those are about the only clear facts I can be certain of regardless of where I heard them. My problem is finding the answers to the eight million questions I have surrounding these events.  

   I have a couple of problems. The first is overcoming my own personal bias. This is a biggie for me, and I imagine a lot of people. It's natural to seek out that which confirms what you "know". I recently began a Master's degree in Writing from Rowan University and I find myself getting sensitive to the meanings of words. Listen to any news you want these days and you're bound to hear the word "lies" get thrown around a lot. The word lie, as I understand it, means to knowingly say something that is not true. I haven't seen anything on any news cast that has looked at this.

   I would have liked to see some digging into proof that someone knew something was false and said it anyway. Such research seems to be truly rare.

   I freely admit that I can't stand Donald Trump. That being said, though, I have to take issue with how I hear the news. The 2020 election is being disputed. That's another clear fact. He's made himself look bad by saying during his campaign that if he loses, it must be fraud. My brain kept hearing this as the height of hubris. You mean that you're so wonderful it would be impossible for the majority (and by majority I mean more no than yes) of Americans to not want you back? I have a very low tolerance for people in love with themselves. My problem is being open to another interpretation of his statement. Was there one? I'm seriously asking this.

    Did we hear any further clarification on what he meant by that? If there was, I missed it. There's another point that I took issue with during this mess. I heard a lot of reporters say something like "The President was spreading misinformation." What if the guy really believed what he was saying? I would have liked to have seen some research into where he got his "misinformation". If the media takes something and just runs with it, aren't they no better than the person they're lambasting? 

    I admit I have pretty much zero faith that the President's research was NOT done anywhere else but in his bathroom on the throne. The problem is I think that's what we ALL do! If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. It looks like we are all going to have to get off our thrones first.

    

Shopaholics Anonymous

  It's almost mid March as of this writing and we are in our first global pandemic. It's reminding me that while no man is an island, I personally wouldn't mind if he was. I hate my fellow man even worse now than I do at Christmas. Panic stricken fucktards are roaming the earth in hordes buying everything in sight. This is driving up prices and pissing off certain cheapskates (namely yours truly). Meanwhile back at the ranch, I can't turn on my television without seeing a different group of fucktards documenting the first bunch while fanning the flames of panic. Horse sense has gone the way of hand sanitizer and cassette tapes.
    I now know what it's like to go shopping during a zombie apocalypse.  It was absolutely surreal to see empty shelves in person. Just that visual alone made it tougher to fight panic. It becomes too easy to lose sight of the fact that this isn't going to last forever.  This week, so far, libraries, banks, and my gym are still open. I'm expecting that to change.
    My daughter's school is also closed for two weeks - that we know of. I happened to have been working the Friday before the announcement. In a rare and shocking display of foresight, I stopped at a liquor store before I picked up my daughter. I wish I could have picked up a bunch of those small vodka bottles and handed them out to a few buddies. The kids at school were full of questions the teachers couldn't answer. I had to admire how they handled themselves.
     We are now in a two week (so far) online learning experience for our 6th grade video game addict. Regrettably, I don't get to count this as screen time since there really wasn't any other option now that the school is closed. On the upside, since my spouse is able to work from home, I have backup when the gestapo needs to enforce breaks for God forbid walking outside and other hardships like vegetables and flute practice. This is going to be a tough two weeks or so. I need to remind myself that this is only temporary. I must also remember to stay sober until after dinner is made!

No news is good news

   We are in early March as I write this and people are losing their minds over the corona virus. Don't get me wrong, it's a sort of flu on steroids and people are dying from it. It's also spreading like wildfire. The media, however, seems to be treating it like a zombie apocalypse. Regrettably, I am guilty of watching the evening news frequently. This dangerous behavior puts me at risk for the dreaded "intelligent questions" from the offspring.
    Has it been a slow news year? I wouldn't have thought so although it's hard to tell in this age of saturation. Whatever small shred of news there is will be reported upon ad nauseam. It regrettably becomes inescapable and seeps into the schools. I now have to deal with the junior grapevine. The questions invariably come at night before bed, when brains are tired and time is short, of course. I hear mostly about video games but also about classmates and sometimes the news. Favorite topics include nightmare inducing weather events and deadly diseases.
    It's up to mom, as usual, to try to answer the questions that come. I used to think that someone who has her face in a screen every chance she gets would be pretty oblivious. Regrettably for me, she picks up on more than I expect. It's not that I wish she was dumber, I wish I was smarter since I often don't know how to answer her. "Should I be afraid of the corona virus?" "Are ghosts real?" "Do we get tornadoes in New Jersey?" "Am I crazy?!" 'How should I know?!' doesn't cut it with some people. Damn. Google, take me away!
   I try to be as honest as I can, frequently forget to look up things I promise to research, and fake the rest. It's a fine line between stalling before bed tactics and genuine questions I don't want to miss. I am one of the first lines of defense against misinformation in addition to my eight million other jobs as mom. O Goody, another important job! There goes the neighborhood. Remember all those "What to Expect" books that new parents always seem to be reading? I could sum it up in about two sentences. Guess your ass off. Hope for the best.
 

Happy New Year??

   I was asked to shovel my sad ass out of bed at stupid o'clock in the morning to get my mom to the hospital for a procedure to reduce chronic pain she's been dealing with for years. God bless her, I don't know how she does it. She's had this procedure done before and it didn't work. She wanted to try it again with a new doctor but when she got there, she changed her mind. I can't say I blame her. She's a pretty savvy consumer and just wasn't happy with how she was treated. It's December of 2020, or level 12 of Jumanji, if you will. I'm a little afraid of January.

    There's an incredible amount of pressure on 2021 not to be a colossal shit show. I can only hope for some sort of new treatment mom hasn't tried that will finally work. She's really been through the gamut of what's out there. It gets understandably depressing after a while. The romance of a New Year won't last long. 

    A new president is a bright spot for me, I have to admit. I will have to keep mum about this to a lot of my friends who were disappointed in November. We, as a family took a major economic hit over the last 3 years so I could use someone who didn't bankrupt a casino! A president, love him or hate him, is not a king. Things will not magically improve on January 22. It will take time. I'm inclined to go from optimism to how about things just not get worse? 

   2021 is going to require a lot more patience than I currently have. It would seem my only option is to keep my horizons short. This is an age old struggle for me but I'm not giving up. If I'm going to survive a Master's program, I won't have a choice. There is a ton of work ahead of me and it looks pretty intimidating from here. It would be helpful to remember that I am not obligated to pull off everything by myself. Asking for help before I get myself overwhelmed would be refreshing. 

   A decent job would also be a nice change but let's not get crazy. I still need to figure out doing what, exactly. I'll settle for something part time and for now, I may be stuck with substitute teaching, assuming there is any. My best bet is to be grateful for what we've got. Welcome 2021, behave yourself. None of us want to know if rock bottom has a basement.